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   Safetydude posted on Jokes  Ok, so this veteran Marine walk into the lecture hall on his first day back in college after serving two tours in Vietnam.

The professor, an avowed atheist, stands at the front of the hall and anounces that today he is going to prove that there is no God. So saying he raises his arms and faces the ceiling and shouts "God, if you are there knock me down. You have ten minutes".

The students are shocked and there is a loud murmur throghout the hall.
Five minutes pass and the professor says "C'mon God, I'm waiting".

Several more minutes pass and the Marine gets up, walks down to the front of the hall, and knocks the professor out cold. After a while he comes to and starts screaming at the Marine; "What the he** do you mean by hitting me"?

"Well, God was really busy so he sent me".

Not real funny but somewhat profound.
September 16 at 23:04 EST .

   13 people like this.

   Safetydude  Ok, so this amnesiac walks into a bar and asks the bartender; "Do I come in here often"?
Thursday at 23:24 EST .

  9 people like this.

   Safetydude posted on Jokes  Ok, so this blind guy is led into a bar by his seeing-eye dog and then he stops in the middle of the room and starts to swing the dog by its leash around and around over his head.
The bartender rushes over and asks "What the he** are you doing?"
"Hey, I'm just looking around".
September 9 at 23:28 EST .

   5 people like this.

   Safetydude  Ok, so this pony walks into a bar.
"Gimme' a Bud please", he whispers to the bartender.
"Sure, but why are you whispering"?
"Sorry" says the pony, "but I'm just a little horse".
September 10 at 22:34 EST .

  7 people like this.

   Gerty  Keep 'em comin', Mr. Dude!!
September 10 at 23:06 EST .

  7 people like this.

   Safetydude  Ok, so this snake slithers into a bar, curls up on a stool but before he can say anything the bartender comes up and says "I'm sorry, but I won't serve you".
"Why not" asks the snake?
"'Cause I know you can't hold your liquor".
September 13 at 17:52 EST .

  8 people like this.

   Safetydude posted on Dogs, Cats & Critters  The 'community rabbit control' lady passing through our back yard.
I opened the back door to step out and saw her at the end of our yard. By the time I got back with my camera all I could get was her going away.

   September 9 at 17:00 EST .

   3 people like this.

   Gerty  Is that a bobcat, Mr. Dude? Maybe a mountain lion?
September 9 at 19:21 EST .

  3 people like this.

   Safetydude  Bobcat. She has(had )three cubs that sometimes followed her on her 'shopping' trips. I don't know anything about her mate.
September 9 at 22:24 EST .

  3 people like this.

   Safetydude posted on Main Page The Lobby  A thought to take with you to church on Sunday morning.
September 6 at 19:54 EST .

   4 people like this.

   Safetydude posted on Jokes  Ok, so this guy drags himself up to the bar.
"Gimmi' a double" he says, "I just caught my wife making love to my best friend".
"What did you do"? asks the bartender.
"I smacked him on his nose with a newspaper and threw out his 'Kibbls N Bits".

Hey, we're all adults, aren't we?
September 1 at 20:24 EST .

   4 people like this.

   Safetydude  Ok, so this brain walks into a bar, sits down and orders a shot.
"Sorry" Says the bartender, "I can't serve you. You're out of your skull".
September 1 at 20:34 EST .

  4 people like this.

   Safetydude  Ok, so this lady crow(crowette )walks into a bar wearing a pearl necklace.
She sits down and orders a drink.
"Wow", says the bartender. "This is the first time I've ever seen a crow wearing a pearl necklace".
"What do you expect with basic black"?
September 1 at 20:42 EST .

  4 people like this.

   Safetydude  Ok, so this Irishman walks out of a bar...
Hey, it could happen.
September 1 at 20:45 EST .

  4 people like this.

   Safetydude  Ok, so this book walks into a bar.
"Please", says the bartender, "no stories".
September 1 at 20:59 EST .

  2 people like this.

   Safetydude  Thank you guys, you've been great.
Drive safely.
September 1 at 21:04 EST .

  5 people like this.

   Safetydude posted on Jokes  Ok, so this ghost walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a shot of vodka.
"Sorry" says the bartender, "It's past midnite' and we can't serve spirits after eleven".
August 28 at 22:25 EST .

   12 people like this.

   Safetydude posted on Nostalgia

A trip down memory lane.
August 25 at 23:11 EST .

   7 people like this.

   Gram77  Give me that good old slow dance when we were close.
August 26 at 18:30 EST .

  6 people like this.

   MeiDei  I recognized my first car - the Ford Fairlane 'tho mine was a hard top not the true convertible in this one. boy, what memories. Thanks for posting.
August 28 at 15:14 EST .

  5 people like this.

   Safetydude posted on Jokes  Ok, so an E-flat walks into a bar...
"You have to leave" says the bartender, "we don't serve minors in here".

Good Night, You guys have been great!
August 25 at 22:05 EST .

   5 people like this.

   Safetydude posted on Jokes  Ok, so this guy walks into a bar with a bag on his sholder and takes it off and lays it on the floor.
The bartender comes up and says "Sorry buddy, you can't leave that lyin there".
"It's not a lion, it's a bag" answers the guy.

Ok, so this guy goes into a bar on a university campus and asks the bartender
"When do you quit serving"?
"After the g".

Ok, so this penguin walks into a bar and asks the bartender "Have you seen my brother"?
"I'm not sure" says the bartender. "What's he look like"?

Last one, I promise!

A group of fonts walk into a bar and when the bartender sees them he immediately tells them to "get out"!

"We don't serve your type in here"!
August 24 at 22:10 EST .

   6 people like this.

   Gerty  It's Monday, Mr.Dude! And I can't figure out (for the life of me ) why I can't stop laughing at that stuff you just posted as jokes! :- )
August 25 at 15:04 EST .

  4 people like this.

   RedWhiteBlue  OK, so I don't get this one....Anyone give me a clue? I've asked MANY people and not one gets t. HELP!

''Ok, so this guy goes into a bar on a university campus and asks the bartender
"When do you quit serving"?
"After the g".
September 8 at 02:36 EST .

  5 people like this.

   Safetydude posted on Movies & Reviews  For Mike PHX:

"You betcha"!
August 24 at 19:50 EST .

   7 people like this.

   Mike PHX  Context, please, Dude. Obviously Sarah Palin....but in what?
August 25 at 20:29 EST .

  6 people like this.

   Mike PHX  Ok, Fargo.
I missed the quiz,
August 25 at 22:47 EST .

  4 people like this.

   Safetydude  Good movie but with too much foul language.
August 26 at 16:55 EST .

  8 people like this.

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