Arnold Schwarzenegger has a big one. Michael J. Fox has a small one. Madonna doesn't have one. The Pope has one but doesn't use it. Clinton uses his all the time. Obama is one. Mickey Mouse has an unusual one. Liberace never used his on women.. Jerry Seinfeld is very, very proud of his. Cher claims that she took on 3. We never saw Lucy use Desi's.
What is it?
Answer below! (this is pretty good )
The answer is: 'A Last Name.'
You didn't think I'd post a dirty joke, did you?
July 26 at 00:00 EST .
3 people like this.
Bettijo Fabulous. Of course my mind was in the gutter until the end. My friends will love this.
July 28 at 20:20 EST .
5 people like this.
Schatzi51 posted on Jokes A woman who had been married three times walked into a bridal shop one day and told the sales clerk that she was looking for a wedding gown for her fourth wedding.
"Of course, madam," replied the sales clerk, "exactly what type and color dress are you looking for?"
The bride to be said: "A long frilly white dress with a veil."
The sales clerk hesitated a bit, then said, "Please don't take this the wrong way, but gowns of that nature are considered more appropriate for brides who are being married the first time - for those who are a bit more innocent, if you know what I mean? Perhaps ivory or sky blue would be nice?"
"Well," replied the customer, a little peeved at the clerk's directness, "I can assure you that a white gown would be quite appropriate. Believe it or not, despite all my marriages, I remain as innocent as a first-time bride. You see, my first husband was so excited about our wedding, he died as we were checking into our hotel. "
"My second husband and I got into such a terrible fight in the limo on our way to our honeymoon that we had that wedding annulled immediately and never spoke to each other again."
"What about your third husband?" asked the sales clerk.
"That one was a Democrat," said the woman, "and every night for four years, he just sat on the edge of the bed and told me how good it was going to be, but nothing ever happened."
July 25 at 23:58 EST .
3 people like this.
Bettijo Great. I am sending this on. My friends will love it too.
When you go to Church this weekend be sure to smile as you go through your Hymnals!
Dentist's Hymn ................................Crown Him with Many Crowns Weatherman's Hymn .....................There Shall Be Showers of Blessings Contractor's Hymn .........................The Church's One Foundation The Tailor's Hymn ..........................Holy, Holy, Holy The Golfer's Hymn ..........................There's a Green Hill Far Away The Politician's Hymn. ...................Standing on the Promises Optometrist's Hymn .......................Open My Eyes That I Might See The IRS Agent's Hymn .....................I Surrender All The Gossip's Hymn .........................Pass It On The Electrician's Hymn ....................Send The Light The Shopper's Hymn .......................Sweet Bye and Bye The Realtor's Hymn. ..........................I've Got a Mansion Just over the Hilltop The Massage Therapists Hymn .......He Touched Me The Doctor's Hymn .............................The Great Physician
AND for those who speed on the highway - a few hymns: 45mph ...................God Will Take Care of You 65mph ....................Nearer My God To Thee 85mph ....................This World Is Not My Home 95mph .....................Lord, I'm Coming Home 100mph ..................Precious Memories
July 25 at 11:27 EST .
3 people like this.
Schatzi51 posted on Recipes My honey brought me home a bag of arugula lat night from the ranch where he gardens. Gonna fix it wilted with fettuccine, bacon, garlic, red pepper, and olive oil - mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm! Have y'all noticed how expensive sliced bacon is these days (along with everything else! )? We have a local market that sells super meaty bacon ends for about $2 a pound. Not buying sliced bacon no more!
July 19 at 12:06 EST .
3 people like this.
Schatzi51 Of course that should read "last night".
July 19 at 12:07 EST .
4 people like this.
MsCharlotteVale My husband and I used to buy bacon ends at Smith's and they were very good. More meat than fat.
July 19 at 19:54 EST .
4 people like this.
Schatzi51 This is from a local meat company here in Helena. It's remarkable how lean these ends are for the price! I try and keep around 4-5 pounds in the freezer. Wonderful stuff to make a quick meal or to season beans and/or greens.
July 19 at 21:20 EST .
4 people like this.
TXknitter Hey that arugula recipe is my kind of eatin! Yummy!
July 29 at 13:09 EST .
4 people like this.
Schatzi51 posted on Recipes Tonight's our city's symphony on our local Catholic college green. Around 15,000 music lovers are expected. Most folks go early and picnic with friends. Still using up last year's bounty of basil and garlic, so I'm bringing pesto chicken salad heroes, caprese sandwiches (more pesto, fresh mozzarella, baby spinach, and tomatoes ), white bean dip (with a hint of lemon and rosemary ) and pita chips, bought'n cookies, and the best caramel crunch popcorn west of the Mississippi. All washed down with homemade limoncello mixed with ice-cold San Pellegrino limonata. *burp*
July 16 at 15:43 EST .
3 people like this.
Gerty Miss Schatzi, I am here to post a recipe for zucchini soup (peasant style! ) Now that I have read your Italian feast, I feel silly. Mind you, I am going to post it anyway, but I will be thinking of your 'picnic' the whole time!
This soup is easy, cheap, fast, versatile, and totally non-fattening---lacking all semblance of class and elegance!
3-4 medium size zucchini 3 medium size onions 3 medium potatoes 2 cloves of garlic (crushed--more if you like ) 1 29 oz can tomato SAUCE--brand of your choice 1 teaspoon salt
1. Cut all veggies bocconcino (bite size ) 2. Add tomato sauce 3. Bring to boil; reduce to simmer; cook until tender/well done
You may serve this as is, just ladle it out into a dish. You may put mixture into a food processor and blend into a puree (my favorite ). You may add your favorite grated cheese or leave as is. I have also seen Moms add pastina (very small macaroni ) to the mixture and serve to the very young and somewhat old people (soup this way is very digestible ).
*Freezes like a dream!
July 16 at 19:43 EST .
5 people like this.
Sistersuzey Wow, Schatzi51! It's 7:30 AM here and reading this has started my tummy to growling big time! Oh yum, Id love to eat my way through that feast.
Gerty, I think I'm going to give your soup a try as soon as my friend brings me some of his overflow of zucchini.
July 17 at 10:08 EST .
4 people like this.
Schatzi51 Yum, Gert - does that recipe take me back! Peasant cooking is the best - simple, flavorful, and satisfying. As for my "picnic stuff" - it all centered around homemade pesto, canned white beans, and seasonal veggies. I'm honored that y'all think it's impressive ((blush ) )
July 17 at 15:22 EST .
4 people like this.
TXknitter Wonderful Schatzi - homemade pesto, well there is nothing better!!!!!
Rollingcow My niece has a pair of pit bulls that are very gentle with her kids although I still don't trust them around our babies. It isn't that I think they're bad dogs, but dogs are funny critters, they bond with their own family but all others can be suspect. I was over at her house one day and wondered why her youngest was having such a fit, we went to see what was going on and the male dog (I always call him Meat Head because his real name is stupid and I can never remember it ) had hold of the toddlers dress and was keeping her from stepping out into the street. My niece had to go over and pick the baby up since Meat Head wasn't about to let her go without intervention. Mrs. Cow
July 15 at 17:41 EST .
6 people like this.
Seminolesecure The music selection is inspired. Love when the cat jumps sideways and stiff down the hall! Just scaring the pants off the big pit bull!
July 16 at 08:21 EST .
5 people like this.
Schatzi51 posted on Jokes The evolution in teaching math since the 1950s:
1. Teaching Math In 1950s
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price. What is his profit ?
2. Teaching Math In 1960s
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price, or $80. What is his profit?
3. Teaching Math In 1970s
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $80. Did he make a profit?
4. Teaching Math In 1980s
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $80 and his profit is $20. Your assignment: Underline the number 20.
5. Teaching Math In 1990s
A logger cuts down a beautiful forest because he is selfish and inconsiderate and cares nothing for the habitat of animals or the preservation of our woodlands. He does this so he can make a profit of $20. What do you think of this way of making a living? Topic for class participation after answering the question: How did the birds and squirrels feel as the logger cut down their homes? (There are no wrong answers, and if you feel like crying, it's okay. )
6. Teaching Math In 2000s
If you have special needs or just feel you need assistance because of race, color, religion, sex, age, childhood memories, criminal background, then don't answer and the correct answer will be provided for you. There are no wrong answers.
7. Teaching Math In 2011
Un hachero vende una carrtada de maderapara 100 pesos. El costo de la producciones es 80 pesos. Cuanto dinero ha hecho?
July 9 at 23:52 EST .
6 people like this.
Gerty I had to laugh at this one, Miss Schatzi. Then, I had to cry. Why does the truth hurt sometimes?
July 10 at 05:52 EST .
7 people like this.
Schatzi51 Hiya, Gert - as Rush says, there's an element of truth in humor for it to work. Damn, now I'm crying...
Schatzi51 posted on Recipes Ms. Charlotte Vale - your mustard slaw recipe has converted this old Yankee gal to the Confederacy! Made up 12 pounds of pulled pork for a party last week - wish I'd had this AWESOME condiment then! Thank you, thank you, thank you! (Scroll down for recipe )
July 2 at 17:09 EST .
3 people like this.
MsCharlotteVale Well, bless you good! Like I said, it's a Southern thang and it is a condiment, not a regular slaw. I'm the queen of regular slaw, BTW, many varieties.
July 3 at 02:18 EST .
5 people like this.
Betty Jean I have a 7 lb. Boston Butt cooking in the crockpot right now. We'll be having pulled pork for dinner today, along with a smashing Pasta Salad recipe from The Brown Eyed Baker I mentioned below.
July 3 at 10:38 EST .
5 people like this.
Schatzi51 posted on Movies & Reviews Woody Allen's "Midnight in Paris" lured me in, dazzled for awhile, and then sank like a fallen gateau about three-quarters in. I know, I know, I know Allen's a major doosh. I loved "Radio Days", and this looked like it could deliver the same punch, but it didn't.
"X-Men: First Class" was a winnah! Good story, and Michael Fassbender was very nice on the eyes.
July 1 at 12:56 EST .
4 people like this.
RoseOfTexas Thanks for the heads up. People keep telling me to see this one & I cannot imagine why.
July 14 at 23:50 EST .
4 people like this.
Schatzi51 On second consideration, "Midnight in Paris" wasn't pure awful. It just reached a point in it where it couldn't maintain the magic for me... Owen Wilson plays the Woody Allen character - and does a better job than the nebbish neurotic could do himself in his heyday.
7 people like this.
5 people like this.
