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   Sternben posted on Main Page The Lobby  The definition of Irony
   December 26 at 15:57 EST .

   5 people like this.

   BirdsNest  I am snickering....
December 26 at 16:08 EST .

  2 people like this.

   WAN2  So...the question becomes: can you fit a portable generator in the back seat?
December 27 at 09:00 EST .

  3 people like this.

   Sternben posted on Main Page The Lobby  Subj: Safe & Saving Money

I took down my Rebel flag (which you can't buy on e-bay any more ) and peeled the NRA sticker off the front door.

I disconnected my home alarm system and quit the Neighborhood Watch.

I bought two Pakistani flags and put one at each corner of the front yard. Then I purchased the black flag of ISIS (which you can buy on e-bay ) and put it in the center of the yard.

Now, the local police, sheriff, FBI, CIA, NSA, Homeland Security, Secret Service and other agencies are all watching the house 24/7.

I've never felt safer and I'm saving $69.95 a month.
December 17 at 12:39 EST .

   9 people like this.

   FlatCityGirl  LOLOLOL!
December 17 at 14:06 EST .

  2 people like this.

   Sternben posted on Main Page The Lobby  Home Defense Gone Wrong

A friend asked me what I thought he needed to defend his home

I suggested a 9mm, a couple clips, and a box of shells.

A few days later, he sent me this picture and asked how to make it work.

I'm not sure, but I suspect he is a Democrat and will vote for Hillary, no matter what.

   December 17 at 12:37 EST .

   8 people like this.

   FlatCityGirl  I suspect you're right!
December 17 at 14:07 EST .

  4 people like this.

   Sternben posted on Main Page The Lobby  " Chaos theory" also known as " butterfly effect", is the sensitive dependence on initial conditions in which a small change
in one state of a deterministic nonlinear
system can result in large differences in a larger state.
In other words, a butterfly flapping its wings in Texas can cause later a typhoon in the Japanese Sea.

Consider this:
In mid-20th Century America an 18 year old hippie freshman girl in a Honolulu college
has sex with an older Kenyan politician on a student visa,
who has a wife and child in Africa. From this "roll in the hay" comes the
collapse and dissolution of America in the 21st Century.
Makes you a firm believer in the "butterfly effect."
August 18 at 10:15 EST .

   16 people like this.

   Gerty  Looks like it can happen!
August 18 at 21:49 EST .

  12 people like this.

   Sternben posted on Main Page The Lobby  The novel and movie "Auntie Mame" and the musical "Mame" are forever banned. Mame's husband's name was Beauregard Pickett Jackson Burnside.
July 11 at 18:56 EST .

   16 people like this.

   Gram77  Why is it banned......a dislike for Roz Russel, or the music? Just curious.
July 12 at 08:39 EST .

  12 people like this.

   StormCnter  'tis a joke, Gram. [smile]
July 12 at 08:46 EST .

  6 people like this.

   Gram77  Sometimes I just can't behave myself. : )
July 12 at 09:15 EST .

  8 people like this.

   Sternben  The names are Confederate civil war generals.
July 12 at 09:57 EST .

  12 people like this.

   Bettijo  As I commented a couple of weeks ago, I named my newly adopted cat General Beauregard after that famous Confederare General from Lousiana. That was before the flag flap in SC. The South's gonna rise again! Yea!
July 16 at 06:44 EST .

  8 people like this.

   Safetydude  I admit I'm a carpetbagger, I've only lived half my life in the South...
July 17 at 15:54 EST .

  8 people like this.

   Sternben posted on Jokes  While playing on the front nine of a complicated golf course, a man became confused as to where he was on the course.

Looking around, he saw a lady playing ahead of him. He walked up to her, explained his confusion and asked her if she
knew what hole he was playing.

She replied, "I'm on the 7th hole, and you are a hole behind me, so you must be on the 6th hole."

He thanked her and went back to his golf.

On the back nine the same thing happened; and he approached her again with the same request.

She said, "I'm on the 14th hole; you are a hole behind me, so you must be on the 13th hole."

Once again he thanked her and returned to his play.

He finished his round and went to the clubhouse where he saw the same lady sitting at the end of the bar.

He asked the bartender if he knew the lady. The bartender said that she was a sales lady and played the course often.

He approached her and! said, "Let me buy you a drink in appreciation for your help. I understand that you are in the sales profession. I'm in sales, also. What do you sell?"

She replied, "If I tell you, you'll laugh."

"No, I won't."

"Well, if you must know," she answered, "I work for Tampax."

With that, he laughed so hard he almost lost his breath.

She said, "See I knew you would laugh.”

"That's not what I'm laughing at," he replied. “I’m a salesman for Preparation H, so I'm still a hole behind you!"
March 11 at 16:03 EST .

   19 people like this.

   Sternben posted on Jokes  Last Saturday afternoon, in Washington , D.C, an aide to Congresswoman
Nancy Pelosi visited the Cardinal of the Catholic cathedral in D.C. He
told the Cardinal that Nancy Pelosi would be attending the next day's
Mass, and he asked if the Cardinal would kindly point out Pelosi to
the congregation and say a few words that would include calling Pelosi
a saint.

The Cardinal replied, "No. I don't really like the woman, and there
are issues of conflict with the Catholic Church over certain Pelosi's

Pelosi's aide then said, "Look, I'll write a check here and now for a
donation of $10,000 to your church if you'll just tell the
congregation you see Pelosi as a saint." The Cardinal thought about it
and said, "Well, the church can use the money, so I'll work your
request into tomorrow's sermon."

As Pelosi's aide promised, Pelosi appeared for the Sunday worship and
seated herself prominently at the forward left side of the center
aisle. As promised, at the start of his sermon, the Cardinal pointed
out that Pelosi was present.

The Cardinal went on to explain to the congregation, "While
Congresswoman Pelosi's presence is probably an honor to some, the
woman is not numbered among my personal favorite personages. Some of
her views are contrary to tenets of the Church, and she tends to
flip-flop on many other issues. Nancy Pelosi is a petty, self-absorbed
hypocrite, a thumb sucker and a nit-wit. Nancy Pelosi is also a serial
liar, a cheat, and a thief. I must say, Nancy Pelosi is the worst
example of a Catholic I have ever personally witnessed. She married
for money and is using her wealth to lie to the American people. She
also has a reputation for shirking her Representative obligations both In
Washington and in California . The woman is simply not to be trusted."

The Cardinal concluded, "But, when compared with President Obama,
Pelosi is a saint.
January 2 at 13:03 EST .

   24 people like this.

   Sternben posted on Jokes  Critical Thinking At Its Best!

Do you drink beer?
Man: Yes

How many beers a day?

Usually about 3

How much do you pay per beer?

Man: $5.00 which includes a tip

(This is where it gets scary ! )

And how long have you been drinking?

About 20 years, I suppose

So a beer costs $5 and you have 3 beers a day which puts your spending each month at $450.
In one year, it would be approximately $5400 …correct?


If in 1 year you spend $5400, not accounting for inflation, the past
20 years puts your spending at $108,000, correct?


Do you know that if you didn't drink so much beer, that money could have been put in a step-up
interest savings account and after accounting for compound interest for the past 20 years,
you could have now bought a new Ferrari?

Do you drink beer?


Where's your Ferrari?
October 13 at 11:52 EST .

   25 people like this.

   Sternben posted on Jokes  A Delicate Corporate Matter

All of the ten senior members of the Board of Directors of the company were called into the chairman's office one by one until only Bob, the junior member, was left sitting outside.

Finally it was his turn to be summoned. He entered the office to find the chairman and the ten other directors seated around a table.

He was invited to join them, which he did.

As soon as he had sat down the chairman turned to Bob looking him squarely in the eye, and with a sternvoice, asked, “Have you ever had sex with Mrs. Foyt, my secretary?”

“Oh, no sir, positively not!” Bob replied.

“Are you absolutely sure?” asked the chairman.

“Honest, I’ve never been close enough to even touch her!”

“You’d swear to that?”

“Yes, I swear I’ve never had sex with Mrs. Foyt anytime, anywhere.”

“Good, then you fire her !!!”
September 22 at 14:15 EST .

   35 people like this.

   Sternben posted on Jokes  Woman Shot In Her Own Driveway

Linda Burnett, 26, a resident of San Diego, was visiting her in-laws
and, while there, went to a nearby supermarket to pick up some

Later, her husband noticed her sitting in her car in the driveway
with the windows rolled up and her eyes closed, with both hands behind
the back of her head.

He became concerned and walked over to the car. He noticed that
Linda's eyes were now open and she looked very strange. He asked her
if she was okay, and Linda replied that she had been shot in the back
of the head and had been holding her brains in for over an hour.

The husband called the paramedics, who broke into the car because
the doors were locked and Linda refused to remove her hands from her

When they finally got in, they found that Linda had a wad of bread
dough on the back of her head.

A Pillsbury biscuit canister had exploded from the heat, making a
loud noise that sounded like a gunshot, and the wad of dough hit her
in the back of her head.

When she reached back to find out what it was, she felt the dough
and thought it was her brains. She initially passed out, but quickly

Linda is a blonde, a Democrat, and an Obama supporter, but that
could all be a coincidence.

The defective biscuit canister was analyzed and the expiration date
was from 2008, so it was determined to be Bush's fault.
June 17 at 16:02 EST .

   19 people like this.

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