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Ynaught



   Ynaught posted on Jokes  .
   July 25 at 14:36 EST .

   9 people like this.



   Gerty  Memorial services are being held on....
for our beloved friend and fellow deep-sea diver....
who lost his life in his brave attempt to
"jump the shark".

(It's not a "better fish pun", but I DID think about it! )
July 26 at 09:01 EST .

  8 people like this.





   Ynaught posted on Dogs, Cats & Critters  .
   July 25 at 14:15 EST .

   8 people like this.




   Ynaught posted on Main Page The Lobby  .
   July 21 at 20:51 EST .

   6 people like this.




   Ynaught posted on Jokes  New Medications for Women:

ST. MOM'S WORT-
Plant extract that treats mom's depression by rendering preschoolers unconscious for up to six hours.

E m p t y N e s t r o g e n-
Highly effective suppository that eliminates melancholy by enhancing the memory of how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn't wait till they moved out.

P e p t o b i m b o-
Liquid silicone for single women. Two full cups swallowed before an evening out increases breast size, decreases intelligence, and improves flirting.

D u m e r o l-
When taken with Peptobimbo, can create dangerously low I.Q., thus causing enjoyment of country western music.

F l i p i t o r-
Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road rage and the urge to flip off other drivers.

A n t i b o y o t i c s-
When administered to teenage girls, is highly effective in improving grades, freeing up phone lines, and reducing money spent on make-up.

M e n i c i l l i n-
Potent antibiotic for older women. Increases resistance to such lines as, "You make me want to be a better person... can we get naked now?"

B u y a g r a-
Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping. Increases potency and duration of spending spree.

E x t r a S t r e n g t h B u y-O n e-A l l-
When combined with Buyagra, can cause an indiscriminate buying frenzy so severe the victim may even come home with a Donnie Osmond CD or a book by Dr. Laura.

J a c k A s s p i r i n-
Relieves headache caused by a man who can't remember your birthday, anniversary or phone number.

A n t i-t a l k s i d e n t-
A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too eager to share their life stories with total strangers.

R a g a m e t-
When administered to a husband, provides the same irritation as nagging on him all weekend, saving the wife the time and trouble of doing it herself.

D a m i t o l-
Take 2 and the rest of the world can go to hell for up to 8 hours.
   July 21 at 20:47 EST .

   7 people like this.



   MeiDei  Priceless - heading to email for those "special" friends!

The country music reference is questionable, however, some of Willie's songs can live in your head long after the music stops.
July 21 at 21:48 EST .

  7 people like this.





   Ynaught posted on Main Page The Lobby  THINK ABOUT THIS FOR A LITTLE WHILE, AND LET IT SINK IN.
The odds of winning the Florida lottery are 1 in 22,957,480.

The odds of winning the Powerball are 1 in 175,223,510.

The odds of winning Mega Millions are 1 in 258,890,850.

The odds of a disk drive failing in any given month are roughly one in 36.

The odds of two different drives failing in the same month are roughly one in 36 squared, or 1 in about 1,300.

The odds of three drives failing in the same month are 36 cubed or 1 in 46,656.

The odds of seven different drives failing in the same month (like what happened at the IRS when they received a letter asking about emails targeting conservative and pro-Israeli groups ) is 36 to the 7th power or 1 in 78,364,164,096. (that's over 78 Billion )

In other words, the odds are greater that you will win the Florida Lottery 342 times than having those seven IRS hard drives crashing in the same month.

Now, if you believe our Federal Government isn't corrupt to the core, you definitely need to get a grip on reality!
July 17 at 22:28 EST .

   10 people like this.



   Rake King  You know who is breathing a sigh of relief? Jimmy Carter who can see the writing on the wall who will replace him as the worst President.
July 18 at 08:56 EST .

  3 people like this.



   Wrightwinger  You know, presidents used to limit themselves to one or two scandals... Those were the days.
July 18 at 15:30 EST .

  5 people like this.





   Ynaught posted on Dogs, Cats & Critters  .
   July 17 at 16:16 EST .

   11 people like this.



   Ynaught  The cockatoo I once owned tried doing this to my house! We had to find him a new home before he destroyed ours!
July 17 at 16:17 EST .

  10 people like this.





   Ynaught posted on Dogs, Cats & Critters  .
   July 17 at 09:22 EST .

   7 people like this.



   Gerty  You do realize that it is the second picture that makes the whole thing funny, don't you? :- )
July 17 at 10:09 EST .

  2 people like this.



   Ynaught  Um, yes.
July 17 at 16:18 EST .

  11 people like this.



   Gerty  'Fess up, Miss Y---there is a certain amount of humor to be found in the abundance of density demonstrated in my first comment on your post.

As in: How dense can that lady get!?!
July 19 at 10:53 EST .

  5 people like this.





   Ynaught posted on Coffee Klatch  .
   July 15 at 14:11 EST .

   6 people like this.



   MeiDei  Jest four US : )
July 15 at 14:55 EST .

  6 people like this.



   Gerty  Paging Mrs.Malaprop....Mrs. Malaprop!
July 15 at 16:05 EST .

  7 people like this.



   Balogreene  I love it. But, when I was 19 I suffered a bad concussion and to this day (I'm 62 ), if I'm tired, or have too much too drink, or whatever, this is me.
July 15 at 22:31 EST .

  6 people like this.



   Olhokie64  Looks great to me. My brain these days.
July 16 at 15:55 EST .

  4 people like this.





   Ynaught posted on Jokes  (AP - Washington, D.C. ) - Police warn all clubbers, party-goers and unsuspecting pub regulars to be alert and stay cautious when offered a drink from any woman. A new date rape drug on the market called "beer" is used by many females to target unsuspecting men.

The drug is generally found in liquid form and is now available almost anywhere. It comes in bottles, cans, from taps and in large "kegs." "Beer" is used by female sexual predators at parties and bars to persuade their male victims to go home and have sex with them. Typically, a woman needs only to persuade a guy to consume a few units of "beer" and then simply ask him home for no strings attached sex. Men are rendered helpless against this approach.

After several "beers" men will often succumb to desires to perform sexual acts on horrific looking women to whom they would never normally be attracted. After drinking "beer" men often awaken with only hazy memories of exactly what happened to them the night before, often with just a vague feeling that something bad occurred.

At other times these unfortunate men are swindled out of their life's savings in a familiar scam known as "a relationship." It has been reported that in extreme cases, the female may even be shrewd enough to entrap the unsuspecting male into a longer-term form of servitude and punishment referred to as "marriage." Apparently, men are much more susceptible to this scam after "beer" is administered and sex is offered by the predatory female.

Please! Forward this warning to every male you know. However, if you fall victim to this insidious "beer" and the predatory women administering it, there are male support groups with venues in every town where you can discuss the details of your shocking encounter in an open and frank manner with similarly affected, like-minded guys. For the support group nearest you, just look up "Golf Courses" in the yellow pages.
July 15 at 13:15 EST .

   6 people like this.




   Ynaught posted on Coffee Klatch  WISDOM - FROM THE MILITARY MANUAL

"If the enemy is in range, so are you." - Infantry Journal

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"It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed." - U.S. Air Force Manual

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"Whoever said the pen is mightier than the sword obviously never encountered automatic weapons." - General MacArthur

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"You, you, and you ... Panic. The rest of you, come with me." - U.S. Marine Corp Gunnery Sgt.

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"Tracers work both ways." - U.S. Army Ordnance

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"Five second fuses only last three seconds." - Infantry Journal

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"Any ship can be a minesweeper. Once."

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"Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do." – Unknown Marine Recruit

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"If you see a bomb technician running, follow him." - USAF Ammo Troop

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"Though I Fly Through the Valley of Death, I Shall Fear No Evil. For I am at 80,000 Feet and Climbing." - At the entrance to the old SR-71 operating base Kadena, Japan

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"You've never been lost until you've been lost at Mach 3." - Paul F. Crickmore (test pilot )

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"The only time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire."

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"If the wings are traveling faster than the fuselage, it's probably a helicopter -- and therefore, unsafe."

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"When one engine fails on a twin-engine airplane you always have enough power left to get you to the scene of the crash."

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"Without ammunition, the USAF would be just another expensive flying club."

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"What is the similarity between air traffic controllers and pilots? If a pilot screws up, the pilot dies; If ATC screws up, .... The pilot dies."

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"Never trade luck for skill."

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The three most common expressions (or famous last words ) in aviation are: "Why is it doing that?", "Where are we?" and "Oh S...!"

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"Airspeed, altitude and brains. Two are always needed to successfully complete the flight."

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"Mankind has a perfect record in aviation; we never left one up there!"

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"Flying the airplane is more important than radioing your plight to a person on the ground incapable of understanding or doing anything about it."

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"The Piper Cub is the safest airplane in the world; it can just barely kill you." - Attributed to Max Stanley (Northrop test pilot )

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"There is no reason to fly through a thunderstorm in peacetime." – Sign over squadron ops desk at Davis-Monthan AFB, AZ, 1970

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"If something hasn't broken on your helicopter, it's about to."

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"You know that your landing gear is up and locked when it takes full power to taxi to the terminal."

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As the test pilot climbs out of the experimental aircraft, having torn off the wings and tail in the crash landing, the crash truck arrives, the rescuer sees a bloodied pilot and asks, "What happened?"

The pilot's reply, "I don't know, I just got here myself!" – Attributed to Ray Crandell (Lockheed test pilot
July 15 at 12:15 EST .

   7 people like this.



   Safetydude  Some more aviation related trueisms:
"Yea 'tho I fly through the valley in the shadow of death I will fear no evil because a clean F-4 is a fast SOB".
"In case of a crash keep flying the a/c 'till all the parts have quit moving".
"There are two kinds of pilots; old pilots or bold pilots but there ain't no old, bold pilots".
"The three most useless things you can have in an a/c is: runway behind you, fuel in the fuel truck and altitiude above you".
"Any landing you can walk away from is a good landing. If the a/c can still be used it's a great landing".
"Your number of landings have to equal your number of take-offs".
And one of my favorites since I started in the AF as an AFSC(AF Speciality Code )462, "Weapons Systems Technician"(aka )Bomb Loader grunt.
Bomb loaders have three rules;
"Never let them see you sweat, never let them see you run and most important; never leave the squadron party 'till all the beer is gone".
July 16 at 00:23 EST .

  7 people like this.



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