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Lucianne.com



   Lucianne.com  

By Jonah Goldberg
February 2011

When the funeral home asked me what Josh did for a living -- “How should we describe him?” -- I was at a loss.

Since our first work together selling lemonade on the corner of 84th and Broadway my brother has had so many job descriptions.

Even then, he was the big brother doing the hard work I was too shy to do.

We sold lemonade out of this giant pewter pitcher our mom let us use. One afternoon a confused and pushy elderly lady saw our giant sign reading “10 Cents” with the word “lemonade” too small or too yellow for her to read. Well, whatever the reason, she thought we had started a business selling giant pewter pitchers, one at a time, for 10 cents apiece.

I was petrified. I was a shy kid, a pushover. If it had been up to me, I would have wrapped it and delivered it to her house.

It fell to Josh to explain to her that our most important piece of capital equipment wasn’t for sale.

And that was Josh. He was always tougher than me, fearless even.

He was my big brother --- even if I was taller.

That was a fact I pointed out a lot when we were younger. He didn’t like it. But he got even. As some of you may know, when we were little kids we were in the Metropolitan Opera together. We were “supernumeraries” – a fancy word for talentless “extras.”

Anyway, as I was wont to do, I told the director of a new opera we were in, “He’s older, but I’m taller.” The director responded, perhaps because of my brattyness, that “in that case,” Josh should get to ride in the fake hot air balloon that soared above the stage.

I really wanted to ride that balloon.

Other than lemonade impresario, operatic supernumerary, and fake hot air balloonist, Josh had other jobs. He worked at the Carnegie Deli. He helped run political campaigns. He drove a New York City cab for several years. He worked at the Fulton Fish market, waking long before dawn and coming home from work in the early afternoon with shoes so stinky with fish goo our cat, Max, would attack his shoe laces like they were a buffet. Josh’s knuckles would get bloodied every time he tried to untie his shoes.

He worked for years at NBC news “behind enemy lines” as at least some here might say. He worked at a news syndicate. He spent some time at his beloved New York Post. Or, simply, “The Post.”

And, if you don’t believe me when I say he was fearless, he ran a tow truck service on the CrossBronx Expressway. At night.

Mad Max wouldn’t do that. David Petraeus wouldn’t do that without 40,000 additional troops.

And if you’re still not convinced of his abject fearlessness, he recently ran for the New York City Council from the Upper West Side of Manhattan – as a Republican.

For much of the last decade, Josh was a New York City tour guide.

The tour company loved him. For starters, he could actually speak fluent English and was from New York, which is apparently more rare in New York City tour guides than you might think.

But he was also so funny. And smart. And generous. And he knew everything about New York. One of our father’s favorite movies was Gungha Din, and Josh was the Gungha Din of New York (I hope he can forgive me that his eternal resting place will be in New Jersey). It wasn’t just that as a fish delivery guy, he’d gone through the grimmest kitchens of some of the finest restaurants of New York. Or that as a cabby, he patrolled back streets and heard taxi cab confessions. Or that as a tow truck guy he’d witnessed the Hobbesian state of nature of New York’s thruways.

(Maybe if he waited just a few more years, the producers who brought us “Ice Road Truckers” or the “Deadliest Catch” might have discovered him)

He was simply a sponge for information. He knew weird things. Funny things about this. Odd things about that. Fascinating stuff about the other thing.

He was a fearless conversationalist, and by that I mean he was unafraid to discuss any topic about anything with anyone.

Put him in a room with the Pope and in five minutes Josh would begin a sentence “Here’s something you may not know about Catholicism.”

And there’s a pretty good chance, he’d be right.

Put him in a room with a ditch digger, and he’d listen quietly for hours, fascinated, as the man explained why ditch-digging was so much more interesting than you might think.

In this, as in so many things, he took after my father, whom he – we – loved so very much (and my Dad is smiling right now because I used “whom” correctly. Unless I didn’t, in which case he’s still smiling because he’s talking to Josh right now).’’

My Dad was a “peculiar duck” to use one of Dad’s favorite phrases.

And Josh was his peculiar duckling.

One of Josh and Dad’s favorite pastimes was to sit on the couch, with the volume on the TV all the way down as they talked and talked. A particular joy was brainstorming what sort of hats Norman, our Basset Hound, would look best in.

After nigh upon Talmudic debate of the question, they concluded that a Pickelhaube, the spiked helmet worn by the imperial soldiers of Kaiser Wilhelm, would be best.

And, really, who are we to argue with that?

Of course, Josh worshipped our father, which probably explains why one of my earliest memories is of helping Josh make a giant portable poster of the sort carried by political protesters, it read “Bring Back the Czar!”

And, then there’s Mom. Nobody who knew Josh and who knows my Mom (even by reputation), can doubt how much of her was in him. He got his fearlessness and irreverence from her, and his stubbornness too. He loved her and she him. I shudder to think of her loss for fear of being pulled down by it.

Yes, my Mom and Josh fought. And Dad and Josh fought, a lot. And Josh and I locked horns more times than I can count. Everyone who loved Josh fought with Josh, because we all saw so much in him, more than he ever saw in himself.

Josh’s last job was working for my mom. He created a web forum called “The Connection” – a name that is more apt than I realized because in the last 48 hours I’ve been inundated with email from people who knew him only electronically. They’ve told me how they lost a friend, a confidant, a conversationalist. He made a connection with so many people, because that was his gift.

Of course, the most important connection in his life was with Chantal, his wife and best friend. In the 20 years they’ve been married, I never heard him say an unkind word about her, even as a good-natured joke. In the swirling storms that buffeted his life, when he was plagued with self-doubt and beset with legions of demons, his one anchor, his one True North was Chantal. He never wavered from his devotion to her.

In our marriage vows we swear to stay together in sickness and in health, through good times and bad. And no two people I have ever met have ever stayed truer to an oath.

I cannot pretend that Josh was without more than his fair share of faults. He was the first to admit that he let himself down by letting others down from time to time. I think it is important to be honest about this because honesty about his shortcomings is what allows us to see his strengths so clearly.

And Josh’s worst fault was his failure to appreciate how truly wonderful he was when he was at his best.

On 9/11 when most of us were glued to our TVs awaiting the next development, Josh had already put on his boots and walked down to Ground Zero to help out any way he could. It simply hadn’t occurred to him that he should do otherwise. He spent days, without sleep, clearing rubble and, eventually, driving barely filled body bags from the site.

When Josh was at his best, he was simply the best person I knew. The Joys of Yiddish says that a mensch is "someone to admire and emulate, someone of noble character. The key to being 'a real mensch' is nothing less than character, rectitude, dignity, a sense of what is right, responsible, [and] decorous.”

That’s the brother I will always strive to remember and it is the uncle I pray my daughter remembers, because he loved Lucy as if she were his own. Perhaps that’s because she shares the same fearlessness or perhaps simply because he was, always, obsessed with family, much like our cousin Lynne and uncle Ralph, to whom I am so grateful for their help during the worst week of my life.

I won’t lie. I’m furious with my big brother for leaving before his best days could be realized and before we could re-forge the closeness of our childhood. I’ve cried so much this last week, I feel like I’ve drained a hole in my soul. But now I’m afraid to stop for fear I’ll forget how I loved him so terribly much.
February 18 at 19:11 EST .

   42 people like this.



   OnTheBall  The most precious thing a man can possess is the heart of the woman who loves him. In this respect Joshua is immeasurably blessed as he has all of our hearts.
February 18 at 22:16 EST .

  39 people like this.



   MsCharlotteVale  What a beautiful tribute. Joshua was the kind of person I can relate to; a fascinating, caring, interesting and smart person who could relate to everyone he met. I really admire that in a person.
February 18 at 22:19 EST .

  40 people like this.



   TotallyTexan   Beautiful! Thanks for sharing.
February 18 at 22:21 EST .

  38 people like this.



   Rocket-j-squirrel  A great tribute to a great guy. We all have our faults, but true character always comes to the fore. Josh's CV reads like another great mind, Eric Hoffer. It's not what you do for a living as much as what you learn along the way.
February 18 at 22:31 EST .

  39 people like this.



   Ynaught  So much love comes through in that tribute.
February 18 at 22:32 EST .

  37 people like this.



   Ole buzzard  Oh, Jonah, you have summed up so much of our own love for your brother. He will live forever in all of us.
February 18 at 22:45 EST .

  38 people like this.



   Yottyhere  Joshua and I agreed we didnt like people who brought small children to adult taverns...

discussing various topics with him as Lucianne was shoring up all the different problems they were running into as the Connection was setting up........

Missing Joshua is a given

after learning about his death I didnt realize how much I was going to miss him :(
February 18 at 23:18 EST .

  37 people like this.



   Engraved-on-His-hands  Thanks, Jonah.
February 18 at 23:21 EST .

  39 people like this.



   Montanabound  That was lovely, Jonah.
February 18 at 23:49 EST .

  35 people like this.



   Surfhut  We all loved your brother so very much. The fact that Josh touched our hearts through an internet site in such a personal way speaks volumes. He inspired me to be a better person. He is sorely missed. God bless you and the family.
February 19 at 00:11 EST .

  39 people like this.



   Sagman  Simple, clear-eyed, eloquent. Could not have been said any better. Every contribution to the site I make in the future will be made in Josh's memory.
February 19 at 00:27 EST .

  15 people like this.



   Paget51  Thank you Jonah, for sharing this with us. It's a privilege to learn more about the man we all miss so much. I pray that you and your family will find comfort in these memories. God bless you all.
February 19 at 00:42 EST .

  15 people like this.



   Jerseytomato  Beautiful.
February 19 at 05:38 EST .

  15 people like this.



   Njdittos  It's always too soon to lose those we love. Let time do its job and glory in what remains in memory.
February 19 at 06:44 EST .

  17 people like this.



   Kitty Myers  Josh's life would have made one helluva memoir.
February 19 at 06:47 EST .

  15 people like this.



   Tucker  Thank you, Jonah. That was truly beautiful. Tears of understanding are flowing. Here at the Connection we love you all very much.
February 19 at 07:23 EST .

  16 people like this.



   Loretta  Beautiful tribute to Josh, Jonah .
Thank you for sharing it with us.
February 19 at 07:25 EST .

  16 people like this.



   Phooey  Yes! Thank you Jonah. Let their be no doubt... we are hurting!
February 19 at 07:26 EST .

  15 people like this.



   Nugoddess  The nicest words a little brother I have read about a big brother. Thank you, Jonah. I must have been difficult to deliver such a wonderful curriculum vita but you did a wonderful job.

For our Josh, my Chris, and others who left us too soon:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eeKv_qc_a
Oo&feature=player_embedded
February 19 at 07:46 EST .

  15 people like this.



   SamuelSpade  Met him but once, and within two minutes felt like we'd been friends since grade school. When the numbness begins to pass, may he only be remembered with joy and laughter. -bean
February 19 at 07:48 EST .

  15 people like this.



   K620  Last Saturday morning I woke up to the news of Josh's passing -- I only "knew" him through Lucianne -- but I felt all day as though I'd been punched in gut. This Saturday I woke up to this Must Read, and I was afraid of a reprise, but Jonah's words were so comforting. Now I really feel like I knew Josh, and a fine man he was. What a lovely eulogy. God bless you all.
February 19 at 08:16 EST .

  21 people like this.



   Planononna  That was beautiful, Jonah. Thank you.
February 19 at 08:31 EST .

  16 people like this.



   Bmoc  Very moving. Thank you Jonah. My thoughts and prayers are with you and the family.
February 19 at 08:38 EST .

  18 people like this.



   OK state mom  Thank you. Very beautiful. I continue to remember the family in my thoughts and prayers.
February 19 at 08:40 EST .

  16 people like this.



   JLoophole  Thanks, Jonah, for that beautiful picture of your brother, and for sharing it with us here on this site. He sounds like a pure original. But I think we all knew that. We miss him too.
February 19 at 08:47 EST .

  14 people like this.



   Not your typical New Yorker  R.I.P.
February 19 at 08:47 EST .

  18 people like this.



   OperaBuff  That is beautiful, Jonah. Your words help us understanding more about your big brother, and make our memories of him all the warmer. You and all of your family remain in my prayers.
February 19 at 09:35 EST .

  16 people like this.



   Wra13  When I saw that Josh had passed, I noted what a tragedy it was to lose someone so young and full of promise. Little did we know how much of that promise was fulfilled in such a short life. We have lost a true Mensch.
February 19 at 09:36 EST .

  16 people like this.



   Repgal  I don't log onto Lucianne without thinking what we have all lost. I can's say enough to the Goldberg family how sad we are for you.
February 19 at 09:41 EST .

  15 people like this.



   Pianogirl88   Thank you, Jonah, for giving us such a beautiful picture of your brother. The world is a better place for having had Josh for these few short years. The empty space left by his passing will be there forever.
February 19 at 09:56 EST .

  16 people like this.



   Smobooks  A beautiful tribute, Jonah. Once again, I offer my prayers and deepest condolences to you, Lucianne, Chantal, and everyone who loved Josh. He'll be forever in our hears.
February 19 at 10:03 EST .

  15 people like this.



   Zbogwan2  God Bless Josh, Jonah, Lucianne and their families during this sad time in their lives!
February 19 at 10:06 EST .

  16 people like this.



   FreedomForAll  The world weeps while heaven smiles. Heaven is right for the reunion is coming. All that is the best and good and loving remains, for we are eternal. But our Creator sees our sorrow and weeps as well, waiting for the day he can wipe away our tears. God bless you, Joshua. Until we meet again. And God bless your brother and mother and wife and friends, all who love you.
February 19 at 10:51 EST .

  17 people like this.



   Pomom  Jonah, that really touched my heart. God be with you and your family as you continue to grieve. Our prayers continue.
February 19 at 10:54 EST .

  16 people like this.



   OhioPatriot  There have been a few people in my life who left us before reaching the good years. It seems so unfair that the time they had here was one struggle after another - then when finally the good years arrive or are at least in sight, they're called to leave us. I pray that some amount of peaceful acceptance comes to the whole family - and then only fond memories. Beautiful euology Jonah - my sincere condolences to all of you.
February 19 at 10:56 EST .

  14 people like this.



   Evajeanne  Oh Jonah, how perfect this is... and how difficult it must have been to write. With tears in my eyes, I thank you for your words. Your loss is so much greater than ours and yet, you comfort us. G-d bless you!
February 19 at 11:09 EST .

  16 people like this.



   AGGW  A beautiful tribute. Thanks for sharing it.
February 19 at 11:23 EST .

  15 people like this.



   MysteryLover  A loving tribute. Thank you.
February 19 at 11:58 EST .

  16 people like this.



   ForNow  A moving portrait. Never knew Joshua, but I grew up on the Upper West Side a little earlier than he. Somehow it's so easy to imagine him growing up there.
February 19 at 12:01 EST .

  17 people like this.



   Melody  We understand your feelings, Jonah. We understand your love and admiration for your brother, your deep sorrow over your loss, and your anger with him, too. You should understand that Josh wasn't the only mensch in your family. You should understand how very much we admire you. Keep on keeping on, and may God bless your way.
February 19 at 12:10 EST .

  19 people like this.



   PageTurner  This tribute is so beautiful. It highlights this agonzing loss but brings the light forward. It is awesome.
February 19 at 12:44 EST .

  15 people like this.



   Father of Internet  He touched all of us, and does again through this tribute from his brother Jonah. Thank you Lucianne for sharing this with all of us, your extended family. We also feel your great loss.
February 19 at 13:09 EST .

  17 people like this.



   Timber Queen  Jonah, thank you for this loving tribute to your "big" brother. Although not known personally, he impacted all our lives here at Ldot in ways that cannot be counted. May our Loving God give comfort to you, Ms. Lucianne, and Chantel in this hour of your bereavement.
February 19 at 13:36 EST .

  15 people like this.



   Belwhatter  Even now I'm close to tears - Josh was the epitome of everyman - faults, failings, untold strengths, fertile mind and a lover of humanity - much more I'm sure. Dear Jonah you spoke from your wounded heart, and you and Miss Lucianne know the ocean of love that pours out for you both from all the contributors here.
February 19 at 14:03 EST .

  13 people like this.



   Eagle's Dominion  Never To Be Forgotten.
February 19 at 14:07 EST .

  17 people like this.



   JediJerry  Gungha Din was a movie I saw for the first time many years ago, and I cried like a baby when it was over. I have not seen it since and at this point I need to find a video rental place that has it and watch it again. Josh sounds like he was a wonderful loving guy, and I am sure his wife will dearly miss her husband, his mom will miss her son and his brother will miss his brother. He is with God and God is with them and his memory will be there for ever and through God's great love for all his children they will all be together again some day. Rest in eternal peace Josh. God bless his loving family too. My prayers are with you all.
February 19 at 14:10 EST .

  17 people like this.



   MsFalconersCabanaBoy  Beautiful and moving. We should all be so fortunate to be to wonderfully and fondly remembered.
February 19 at 14:27 EST .

  17 people like this.



   Pickle1  Thank you for sharing this wonderful man and his family. I appreciate.
February 19 at 14:40 EST .

  16 people like this.



   Tamminator  What a touching tribute to your brother. I just lost my father a few weeks ago, so I know what that hole in your soul feels like.
God bless your family, Josh and his family, and everyone that he touched.
Hold them close.
February 19 at 14:49 EST .

  15 people like this.



   Mamateach  Such a touching, heartfelt tribute.
Typing through the tears. May God bless and comfort all of Josh's loved ones.
February 19 at 15:15 EST .

  17 people like this.



   Lana720  Jonah, that is such a loving tribute to Josh! I love the word "Mensch," which I capitalize as a tribute to Josh. So few men are such. You Jonah, are definitely one - keep the memory of your father and brother green through your writings. You are the sum of their virtues.

I thought I'd cried all I could last weekend, but not yet and especially not after such a moving eulogy. Just writing it will help your heart to heal, Jonah. G-d bless you!

Please hug your mother for us and let her know how much we love her.
February 19 at 15:42 EST .

  16 people like this.



   DoktorFranken  There are not many things that make me weep openly. This did.
February 19 at 16:35 EST .

  16 people like this.



   Me?Opinionated?Nah!  In a portion of my posted reply of 2/12, I said of Josh, “He was the proverbial class act. Today, the world is short one mensch.” I now regret not including the adjective “real.” Thanks to Jonah, I’m now reminded how natural and traditional it is that real and mensch go hand in hand. Suitably, they always have.
February 19 at 17:21 EST .

  15 people like this.



   HopeandGlory  Thank you for this tribute to Joshua, Jonah . . . I can't imagine how hard it was to write this . . . God be with all of the Goldbergs during this very difficult time . . . I love you all for your stupendous courage and for your unfailing Patriotism and love for America and each other . . . and for us!!!
February 19 at 17:39 EST .

  15 people like this.



   Go figure  How beautiful! Thank you for sharing this with Eulogy with us.
February 19 at 19:45 EST .

  13 people like this.



   Texastealady  Jonah ~ There is no more beautiful tribute than one from a loving, hurting heart and this was very beautiful. God bless you, Lucianne, Chantal and extended family.
February 19 at 22:18 EST .

  14 people like this.



   Tianne  Thank you, dear Jonah. Oh, how very sorry we are - for dearest Joshua and for all who love him so. Our hearts ache for all of you - Jonah, Lucianne, Chantal - and we pray that sweet and tender memories of Joshua will soothe and comfort you.

“God's finger touched him, and he slept”.
“Farewell, we kiss ....”.
--Alfred Lord Tennyson
February 20 at 03:06 EST .

  14 people like this.



   BirdsNest  Each of us should do a good deed each day in Joshua's name. God bless your family Miss Lucianne. The strength we see in you has given all of us hope and a place to call home.
February 20 at 07:39 EST .

  14 people like this.



   Dreamzzzs  I still can't believe he is gone...thank you for sharing this beautiful and heartfelt tribute with us, written by a truly gifted writer, but thank you, most importantly, for sharing Josh with us. Lucianne.com went from great to fabulous when Josh arrived on the scene. What a treasure he was! I have two boys myself and if they turn out half as good as Josh and Jonah I will be so proud! God bless you all.
February 20 at 11:07 EST .

  13 people like this.



   Screwgun  That was beautiful, Jonah. This big old redneck is reaching for the Kleenex.
February 20 at 14:01 EST .

  14 people like this.



   Chinasea  I did not know Josh but recognized that he had talent in a hundred or more different ways.

When he ran for office I wrote him an email; I would have loved to help him even though I could not vote for him living in another city and state.

His reply was most kind and I kept it while tossing dozens of other emails. I'll share it with you. I never really expected a reply

SEE HOW JOSH COULD USE JUST A FEW WORDS TO MAKE A PERSON FEEL BETTER.
In a message dated 10/7/2009 12:17:09 P.M. Eastern Daylight Time, anncaddellcrawford@gmail.com writes:

Dear Josh,

We love you and your mom. We wish you God speed in your efforts to TAB - Take Back America.

Thank you for all both of you have done already

If I were a millionaire, I'd be sending money - so please accept my thanks this way. You both are in our prayers as well.

Ann

anncaddellcrawford@gmail.com

JOsh replied:
show details 10/7/09

Your kind words are a contribution itself. You can always help out by spreading the word.

Follow the campaign at www.GoldbergForCouncil.com

Joshua J Goldberg
Candidate for NY City Council District 6
The Committee to Elect Joshua Goldberg
200 West 86 Street, #1L
New York, NY 10024-3326
February 20 at 20:06 EST .

  15 people like this.



   Carolina Kat  There was a time when meadow, grove, and stream,
The earth, and every common sight,
To me did seem
Apparelled in celestial light,
The glory and the freshness of a dream.
It is not now as it hath been of yore;--
Turn wheresoe’er I may,
By night or day,
The things which I have seen
I now can see no more.

II

The Rainbow comes and goes,
And lovely is the Rose,
The Moon doth with delight
Look round her when the heavens are bare,
Waters on a starry night
Are beautiful and fair;
The sunshine is a glorious birth;
But yet I know, where’er I go,
That there hath past away a glory from the earth.

----
And the Children are culling
On every side,
In a thousand valleys far and wide,
Fresh flowers; while the sun shines warm,
And the Babe leaps up on his Mother’s arm:--
I hear, I hear, with joy I hear!
--But there’s a Tree, of many, one,
A single Field which I have looked upon,
Both of them speak of something that is gone:
The Pansy at my feet
Doth the same tale repeat:
Whither is fled the visionary gleam?
Where is it now, the glory and the dream?

V

Our birth is but a sleep and a forgetting:
The Soul that rises with us, our life’s Star,
Hath had elsewhere its setting,
And cometh from afar:
Not in entire forgetfulness,
And not in utter nakedness,
But trailing clouds of glory do we come
From God, who is our home.
~excerpted from Wordsworth
..still not as beautiful aa Jonah's words, but say for me what I feel when I click here, knowing that a voice is stilled that I will miss. It's up to we Ldotters, the Lucianne.com family, to live up to Josh's vision for The Connection, it's his legacy and gift.

How fitting that we can say farewell and Godspeed, to the visionary, and still behold his dream. That above all is a measure of Greatness.
February 20 at 21:00 EST .

  19 people like this.



   Penney  Know that we are thinking of you and your family and you remain in our prayers.
February 20 at 23:02 EST .

  16 people like this.



   Bla Bla  I am so, so sorry, Lucianne, Jonah, Chantal & the rest of the family & friends who are grieving now. I lost my little brother over a decade ago when he was only 38, alone in LA & we were here in OKC. I lost a nephew when he was hit crossing the street in downtown NYC on his 23rd birthday. All I can say is this life is so short & our eternity awaits us all. It will seem like minutes to those who have gone before us when we, too, arrive. If only it felt like minutes down here on earth!

My prayers go with you as you walk this dark valley. I felt my brother saying goodbye to me while I was pumping gas one day weeks after we had buried him. I hope the same for you -- that Josh gets through to each of you & lets you feel his love, know he's okay & is looking forward to your reunion. I leave you with some words from my favorite new gospel song, When I Finally Make it Home:

Gonna wrap my arms around my Daddy's neck
And tell him that I love Him . . .
When I finally make it home;
When I finally make it home.
February 21 at 00:57 EST .

  15 people like this.



   Bla Bla  Here's the YouTube video & song Make It Home by Mercy Me:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9zI3lXSOt
3c
February 21 at 01:41 EST .

  15 people like this.



   FormerDem  Thunderstruck. Thank you, Jonah. Sending you and your mom love and prayer and sharing your tears.
February 21 at 21:54 EST .

  15 people like this.