Calvinesq

Calvinesq posted on Jokes  Spanish Oysters A big Texan stopped at a local restaurant following a day roaming around in Spain .. While sipping his wine, he noticed a sizzling, scrumptious looking platter being served at the next table. Not only did it look good, the smell was wonderful. He asked the waiter, 'What is that you just served?' The waiter replied, 'Si senor, you have excellent taste! Those are called Cojones de Toro, bull's testicles from the bull fight this morning. A delicacy!' The cowboy said, 'What the heck, bring me an order.' The waiter replied, 'I am so sorry senor.There is only one serving per day because there is only one bull fight each morning. If you come early and place your order, we will be sure to save you this delicacy.' The next morning, the cowboy returned, placed his order, and that evening was served the one and only special delicacy of the day. After a few bites, inspecting his platter, he called to the waiter and said,'These are delicious, but they are much, much smaller than the ones I saw you serve yesterday.' The waiter shrugged his shoulders and replied, 'Si, Senor. Sometimes the bull wins." February 19 at 12:09 EST .    10 people like this.

Calvinesq posted on Main Page The Lobby  Can't believe that a month has passed since the U.S. voted for statism over freedom. December 6 at 14:34 EST .    2 people like this.

Calvinesq posted on Jokes  Golf Etiquette What if you were playing in the club championship tournament finals and the match was halved at the end of 17 holes. You had the honor and hit your ball a modest two hundred fifty yards to the middle of the fairway, leaving a simple six iron to the pin. Your opponent then hits his ball, lofting it deep into the woods to the right of the fairway. Being the golfing gentleman that you are, you help your opponent look for his ball. Just before the permitted five minute search period ends, your opponent says: "Go ahead and hit your second shot and if I don't find it in time, I'll concede the match." You hit your ball, landing it on the green, stopping about ten feet from the pin. About the time your ball comes to rest, you hear your opponent exclaim from deep in the woods: "I found it!". The second sound you hear is a click, the sound of a club striking a ball and the ball comes sailing out of the woods and lands on the green, stopping no more than six inches from the hole. Now here is the ethical dilemma: Do you pull the cheating bastard’s ball out of your pocket and confront him with it or do you keep your mouth shut? March 29 at 11:22 EST .    1 person like this.    Ole buzzard  And who is the cheat????? March 29 at 16:58 EST .    Gerty  Birds of a feather... March 29 at 19:43 EST .    Sternben  Old golfers never die, they just lose their balls. March 30 at 09:31 EST .

Calvinesq posted on Jokes  B of A President Obama walks into the Bank of America to cash a check. As he approaches the cashier he says, "Good morning Ma'am, could you please cash this check for me?" Cashier: "It would be my pleasure sir. Could you please show me your ID?" Obama: "Truthfully, I did not bring my ID with me as I didn't think there was any need to. I am President Barrack Obama, the president of the United States of America!!!" Cashier: "Yes sir, I know who you are, but with all the regulations and monitoring of the banks because of impostors and forgers plus the requirements of the Dodd/Frank legislation, etc., I must insist on seeing ID." Obama: "Just ask anyone here at the bank who I am and they will tell you. Everybody knows who I am." Cashier: "I am sorry Mr. President, but these are the bank rules and I must follow them." Obama: "I am urging you, please, to cash this check." Cashier: "Look Mr. President, this is what we can do: One day Tiger Woods came into the bank without an ID. To prove he was Tiger Woods, he pulled out his putter and made a beautiful shot across the bank into a cup. With that shot we knew him to be Tiger Woods and cashed his check. Another time, Andre Agassi came in without ID. He pulled out his tennis racquet and made a fabulous shot whereas the tennis ball landed in my cup. With that shot we cashed his check. So, Mr. President, what can you do to prove that it is you, and only you, as the President of the United States?" Obama stood there thinking, and thinking and finally says: "Honestly, my mind is a total blank ~~~ there is nothing that comes to my mind. I can't think of a single thing. I have absolutely no idea what to do." Cashier: "Will that be large or small bills, Mr. President?" November 2 at 15:02 EST .

Calvinesq posted on Main Page The Lobby  Regarding the picture on the main L.Com page of the young lady holding the cardboard sign: Check out the guy in the green shirt with the shades on top of the head. What do you think he's looking at? Just like the demonstrations of the 60s and early 70s -- guys joined the protests just to get laid. Heh. October 13 at 15:04 EST .    Yottyhere  Went back and looked at the picture. Yup, you're right. If that young lady feels so strongly why doesn't she convert all her assets into dollars and write a big honking check to IRS? Bless her heart.......*cough* October 13 at 15:19 EST .    Shooter1002  He's checking 'er bum. Nice bum, she's got a few bucks, she must got weed too. Hey save the whales man! October 13 at 16:17 EST .    Burger  and when you are done, simply mention you voted for Bush. Poof Gone. October 13 at 19:41 EST .

Calvinesq posted on Main Page The Lobby  Message to Congressman Weiner: We always thought you were crazy, but now we can see your nuts! June 7 at 14:28 EST .    Ynaught  Oh geez! The very thought of seeing his nuts makes me want to hurl! June 7 at 14:37 EST .

Calvinesq posted on Jokes  And now we have a new mixed drink: A bin Laden - 2 shots and a splash of water May 5 at 17:17 EST .

Calvinesq posted on Jokes  IRISH CASTAWAY One day an Irishman, who had been stranded on a deserted island for over 10 years, saw a speck on the horizon. He thought to himself, 'It's certainly not a ship.' And, as the speck got closer and closer, he began to rule out the possibilities of a small boat or even a raft. Suddenly there emerged from the surf a wet-suited black clad figure. Putting aside the scuba gear and the top of the wet suit, there stood a drop-dead gorgeous blonde! The glamorous blonde strode up to the stunned Irishman and said to him, 'Tell me, how long has it been since you've had a cigarette?' 'Ten years,' replied the amazed Irishman. With that, she reached over and unzipped a waterproofed pocket on the left sleeve of her wet suit, and pulled out a fresh pack of cigarettes. He takes one, lights it, and takes a long drag. 'Faith and begorra,'said the man, 'that is so good I'd almost forgotten how great a smoke can be!' 'And how long has it been since you've had a drop of good Irish whiskey' asked the blonde. Trembling, the castaway replied, 'Ten Years.' Hearing that, the blonde reaches over to her right sleeve unzips a pocket there and removes a flask and hands it to him. He opened the flask and took a long drink. 'Tis nectar of the gods!' stated the Irishman. 'Tis truly fantastic!!!' At this point the gorgeous blonde started to slowly unzip the long front of her wet suit, right down the middle. She looked at the trembling man and asked, 'And how long has it been since you played around?' With tears in his eyes, the Irishman fell to his knees and sobbed; 'Sweet Jesus! Don't tell me you've got golf clubs in there too!' December 16 at 14:13 EST .    3 people like this.