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   Allsogreat  The young woman who submitted the
tech support message below (about her relationship to her husband ) presumably did it as a joke. Then she got a reply that was way too good to keep to herself. The tech support people's love advice was hilarious and genius!

The query:
Dear Tech Support,
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slowdown in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under
Boyfriend 5.0. In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as: NBA 5.0, NFL 3.0 and Golf Clubs 4.1.

Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and House cleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail. What can I do?


The response (that came weeks later out of the blue ):

Dear Desperate,
First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system. Please enter command: I thought you loved me.html and try to download Tears 6.2. Do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update. If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.

However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0, or Beer 6.1. Please note that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Farting and Snoring Loudly Beta version. Whatever you do, DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Mother-In-Law 1.0 as it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.

In addition, please do not attempt to re-install the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported
applications and will crash Husband 1.0. In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend Cooking 3.0.

Good Luck
April 6 at 10:14 EST .

   3 people like this.

   FlatCityGirl  Too cute!
April 6 at 10:29 EST .

 1 person like this.

   Texastealady  That is hilarious! Sending to my newly married granddaughter
April 6 at 11:05 EST .

   Flowerladytoo  Too funny!!!
April 9 at 01:13 EST .

   Mildred  Anyone else having a problem finding the Like click after the posted articles? I'm able to comment but there are no 'likes.' Is this something new today or is Lucianne continuing to have problems with this site? Thanks.
April 4 at 10:48 EST .

   1 person like this.

 View all 13 comments.

   Safari Man  I noticed the same thing. I have noticed the "Like" feature being abused in the extreme lately, so I suspect they have removed it to avoid the abuse. I still think its a good idea, but they need to rethink the implementation so it can only be done once per visitor.
April 4 at 11:00 EST .

 1 person like this.

   Alice  Same here: Like click is gone on the main page.

I often cannot remember whether I have clicked it or not when going down a page, and have depended on Lucianne's server. It would not do anything if I re-clicked, only on new 'Like' clicks. Seems to me this implies it was cookie-based or something. I did not know there were multiple clicks.

Astroturf needs its own Roundup! ;- ) I wink, but all the same it's disappointing to discover.
April 4 at 12:14 EST .

 1 person like this.

   Suejeanne  I was also surprised to see the "like" button gone - I realize that some people were complaining about people hitting the "like" button more than once but I didn't see how that was possible - I think I accidentally clicked the "like" a second time but the system prevented that from "taking" - I would think it would add more interest to see how people were responding to various things and it was a time-saver, too, because I could hit "like" if that person's reply was everything I would have said, if I could have been so good at saying it.
April 4 at 12:28 EST .

 1 person like this.

   StormCnter  Here on The Connection, the Like button can only be clicked once per visit. That is an excellent design. On the main forum, the Like button could be clicked hundreds of times within just seconds, distorting the feature's purpose. The staff had dropped hints on the threads that the Like button abuse had to stop, but it just got worse. When you could see a poster's comment get 500 likes within a minute or so, it was obvious that fraudulent clicking was going on. Probably the staff just got tired of it.
April 4 at 13:19 EST .

  2 people like this.

   Mildred  I think there are so many likes (which seem like abuse ) because many times it takes minutes before your click is counted. I'm sure there are many people who just keep clicking until it is registered. Other sites have up and down arrows and are counted immediately. Lucianne is getting more popular and the technology seems to need an update. I sent a note to Luis.
April 4 at 13:36 EST .

  2 people like this.

   FlatCityGirl  When Trump supporters, like one who calls himself "Pinchem," posts something really nasty about people who are not Trump supporters, then clicks his own "Like" button 570 times [at my last count], it was time for the Staff to do something. They finally did.

The "Like" feature was being used as a weapon of war by Trump supporters, and Pinchem is one of the worst offenders. I got tired of posting my perfectly valid onion of Trump, then having Pinchem jump on me with a nasty post, and "Like" his nasty opinion of me into the several hundreds.
April 4 at 14:10 EST .

  3 people like this.

   August9  In a "left handed fashion", I'm glad to see the missing LIKE tab is not my compudigator's fault!
Have noticed this for hours now---It would be nice if some sort of notice/announcement would have been posted below the MUST READS!
April 4 at 21:19 EST .

 1 person like this.

   Tulsa  I'm delighted it's gone. This isn't facebook...a site I have never and will never visit. Lucianne don't need no steenking like button anywhere on this site, imo.
April 4 at 23:39 EST .

  3 people like this.

   Flowerladytoo  I'm so glad it's gone! The site seems to be running a little better, too. When I saw a nasty comment that gained over 500 likes in the 60 seconds or so it took for me to post a comment, I knew something was very fishy. I think they were using an auto clicker program...kind of like what we see on Drudge and some of the News sites.
April 5 at 00:42 EST .

 1 person like this.

   Wetenschapper  Mixed feelings about the button's disappearance. For instance, has anyone else noticed that the pages seem to load _much_ faster now that it's gone? I suspect one reason it was removed was that people (myself included! ) kept clicking back to the same article to see how well their comment was faring, thereby loading up the server with page requests.
April 5 at 06:34 EST .

  2 people like this.

 View all 13 comments.

   Bohallx  Thanks folks ~ about my BALANCE piece.

Caught Mr. Trump twice today ~ he's giving his regular speech in Wisconsin, but he sometimes changes things a bit. I noticed an article that said he'd made some campaign staff changes as well ~ hire some, move some, change some..... I think guys like him do that as a matter of course.

Went looking for a Cruz daily homily ~ he doesn't have one. Then tried a Kasich daily.... no luck, and horror of horrors a Hillary daily, but she doesn't do that. Still on that 2 days not available, then 1 day on line..... she was doing that 20 years ago at Free Republic.

My memory is not failing me. What an enormously unproductive memory ~ imagine I remember when Hillary Clinton through her appointments secretary kept up first with Bulletin Boards and then with an early internet chatroom....

I preferred Martha Stewart.

Think about it, the Obots back in their days of rage in 2008 kept telling us that the Demos were leaping ahead on the internet edging out all the competitors...

And here's Trump who has used it to do nothing but provide LIVE, and REPLAY coverage of every last single public meeting he has, or interview he participates in, or debate, or "saying goodnight" after an election....... and literally everyone else out there is sitting on both thumbs simultaneously ~ either unable to speak (Hillary ), or too giggly to speak (Kasich )......

Here's his secret ~ he's WIRED UP. He has cameras every where. The man even inserts his security camera system into his campaign. The young woman who believed she'd been thrown to the floor and stomped on (mistakenly as it turned out ) was ON HIS SECURITY CAMERA system at HIS CLUB in Florida! DOZENS of videos ~ and add to that what the audience was doing (arms high in the air, cellphones at the ready ) it is impossible to not be able to put on a Zapruder Film replay covering even the least of trips and stumbles (yes, she had 7 inch heels ~ I've seen them in dozens of shots ) for people to play with like they were into a Reginald Denny/Rodney King telethon raising money for the old drunk rioters bail bond fund.

Again, the Trump secret is an in home studio, supplemented with an in 737 studio, and maybe even a golf cart studio.....

He has video ready to go like hot and cold running water.

My son has taken this to heart and proposes that he initiate a YOUTUBE show featuring him talking about his experience with Apple Equipment ~ for a long time he was one of the top cellphone techies at a major federal agency that costs each of us an arm and a leg every day. A studio in home needs some clever acoustical tile, some great microphones, a videocam (we got those dripping from our necks ), and a rug. Then you sit down. Pick up a gadget. Start
April 2 at 22:43 EST .

   2 people like this.

   Iraengneer  Is anyone else having continuous, worsening issues over on the main site? Over and over and OVER I click on a thrad, only to be archly informed that "article is no longer available". Except that it is, of course. Go up to the address bar, click it, that very thread comes up fine. Just happened on thread 868363, but that is just one a probably a dozen today. Just today. This is getting worse all the time, and it's happening on three devices, including the desktop running Windows 10 and FireFox. What is gong on???????
March 31 at 22:03 EST .

   1 person like this.

   StormCnter  You probably already know this, but just in case: The "article is no longer available" message pops up when (1 ) the article has been removed or (2 ) the server connection has timed out. That's what's happening this morning. The site is really slow and I tried four browsers, thinking it must be my computer.
April 1 at 07:51 EST .

 1 person like this.

   Iraengneer  dunno. Just happened yet AGAIN, article 868433. Re-entered the URL and it came up just fine. I have pretty high-speed connection (Dear Wife and I are both geeks ) but I was only one on-line, so issue should not be at this end. And the link to the original article loaded pretty durn quickly. Was thinking I'd done something awful.
And STILL have to use NoScript on desktop and definitely on the mobile devices -- tired of getting hijacked to some highly inappropriate sites that seem to slipstream off the banners, etc.
April 1 at 09:47 EST .

 1 person like this.

   StormCnter  Normally, in the very early mornings, the site runs just fine, fast and easy. This morning, however, I had to wait 45 minutes before the site would come up at all. Now, the site seems to be fine for a few minutes and then bogs down again. I have a fast connection, too, but today it doesn't matter. Probably the staff will place a message in Must Reads to explain.
April 1 at 10:06 EST .

   FlatCityGirl  If you have a pop-up blocker installed that slows it down even more.

I didn't think it did, but my son proved it to me by turning mine off. The threads moved right along.

Doesn't matter. I turned the pop-up blocker back on. I would rather put up with slow than ads.
April 1 at 13:26 EST .

 1 person like this.

   August9  IRA---I have been having this problem for several weeks!
Most often, I will be going along, everything loading rapidly, and then I'll click on an article, and it will take 20-60 seconds to load.
I have noticed that at "peak times" this occurs much more frequently then other times. (ie: 10:00PM and later.
There have been several times that I have logged off Lucianne---the time to "load" pages is intolerable!
April 2 at 00:24 EST .

 1 person like this.

   Bmoc  I've mentioned this before but I have five servers that we use for live audio and video streaming. We don't use the standard 100 mg port mouth but use a full gig port that we can change to up to ten gig, allowing the visitor get the page faster. We stream Little League baseball, High school sports, political meetings... ie starting about 6:30 Monday nights. We also do live coverage of local dirt track racing. Anyone wanting to do their own radio or video show, just contact me at bmoc66@gmail
April 4 at 13:28 EST .

 1 person like this.

   Tulsa  The site is slower during holidays (we just had Spring Break ). ...all those chirren and teachers were on the www. It's slower when the market opens in each time zone. It's slower if there is breaking news. There is only so much juice for the web and how and who provides it (ISPs ) all differ.
April 5 at 09:58 EST .

 1 person like this.

   Akudaq  Hi FCG, Here's a link to Southern Mockingbird call. Hope it helps you for sure identify your chatty bird. Our magpies in Alaska can be very noisy, both day and night, but they look much different from the Southern type.
March 30 at 16:23 EST .

   2 people like this.

   BirdsNest  It sure would be nice if some of you friendly people would login and post a thought or two. I miss reading about other peoples adventures. Thanks.
March 29 at 20:26 EST .

   2 people like this.

   Louisianadeb   Hi BirdsNest, I hope this measures up to an adventure..this past weekend my husband and I stayed at a friend's farm in NC not very far from Raleigh. It's a hundred or so acres and most of it she plans to give to the state for a conservation location. The place used to grow Christmas trees so it earned the moniker "farm' but now only tall native North Carolina grass is grown - called the prairie. The land is beautiful, as is all of nature. A creek runs at the back of the house which pours into the Tar river. It was cloudy the entire weekend so we were robbed of starry nights but the night critters made up for it! We were serenaded for hours starting at dusk. We awoke Easter Sunday to rain but counted blessings and showed gratitude. Yours truly,louisianadeb
March 29 at 22:28 EST .

  4 people like this.

   FlatCityGirl  I have no adventures to report, but maybe someone can help me figure out something if I tell you the story of the bird that sings all night long.

It started last spring about this time. There is a bird in my backyard that sings/chirps all night long. I thought birds tucked their little heads when it got dark and went to sleep.

Not this guy. No siree!

I hadn't paid a lot of attention to it other than to know that a bird sang all night long, but it didn't keep me awake. I hate air conditioning and sleep with my bedroom widows open and a table fan circulating --I do not care how hot it gets, I will not sleep under air conditioning. But the little bird wasn't bothering me, other than I knew there was a bird in the backyard singing.

Son was working on a house rehab two doors up the street. He had all of the windows open there for ventilation and he heard the bird from that far away and inside of the house. That's how loud it is.

Son said he didn't pay much attention to it for a night or two, and then he started to really notice it.

After a couple of night of it, he came at midnight or so and woke me up. "Mom, what kind of a bird is that?"

[Reminded me of a James Thurber story I read long ago.]

Out of a sound sleep, it took me a minute, and then I started to really pay attention.

I thought maybe it was some kind of a mating call. If it was, that was one lonely little fellow because he sang every night, all summer long and into the fall.

The reason I'm bringing it up now is because . . . He's baaaaaaack!

I was sitting here at the computer playing a video game after supper, all the windows on the back of the house open, and what do I hear?

Does anyone know what kind of a bird never sleeps? Sings all night long?

We studied every on-line source we could find last year, and asked anyone and everyone who might know. No one did.

If you have any idea, please post.
March 30 at 00:34 EST .

 1 person like this.

   Papasparky  Hi FCG,it might be a Mockingbird who thinks it's a Nightingale, which supposedly only inhabit Europe.

Some interesting info here:
March 30 at 07:17 EST .

  2 people like this.

   MeiDei  Agree w/Papa - sounds just like the Mockingbird we have here from time to time - sings all night long imitating all the birds in the area. It's repertoire is so joyful it is hard to be annoyed - most times : )
March 30 at 09:57 EST .

   FlatCityGirl  It very well could be a Mockingbird. We considered that last year and didn't rule it out completely. But . . . I've had Mockers in my back yard every where I've ever lived my entire life, and I've never had one who sang all night long --or if he did, I didn't know it.

I have more Mockers here than any other bird. This part of Texas isn't as prolific with song birds as Virginia where I lived for so long, and I miss my song birds. I might have more birds here if I fed them, but I don't feed them here because of the cats.

So if we've reached a consensus, I'm going to call out little night visitor a Mockingbird. He's certainly a happy little fellow.
March 30 at 13:34 EST .

 1 person like this.

   FlatCityGirl  FTA posted by PAPA:

"Northern Mockingbirds are also known for their night singing (most common during full moon phases ), which may not be received by those trying to sleep nearby since this species is not a soft singer! They have been known to sing all night long."

That has to be the answer.
March 31 at 10:35 EST .

   Balogreene  I have an adventure. On Monday, at work, I realized how wonderful my new job is, and how toxic my old job had become. On Tuesday, I rode up the elevator with a man older than me. He asked me how it was going. I said I am surviving, then, I realized that was not true, so as I walked out the elevator, I said, "I LOVE my job".

Then, today I was chatting with the Executive Assistant to the CEO/Founder of my company. We were chatting when she asked how it was going. I told her I realized this week how wonderful the company is. I LOVE my job. At that point the CEO/founder walked out of his office (I didn't know he was there ). He said "Barbara, that is the second time I've heard you say that this week. It makes me feel good. We are glad to have you, everyone says you are really doing a good job.

What more can one ask than to inadvertently tell the founder of the company how wonderful you think the company is. And it is a small enough company, he knows who you are.
April 2 at 00:53 EST .

  3 people like this.

   Bohallx  Main Page ~ neighbors dog woke me up so went in and turned on TV and there was the Pope giving mass ~ hmm ~ right at that very time.

Stayed up a bit checking my 75 Bookmarks/Favorites to see what was up and there were new comments on all of them. This is unusual but people are on the road visiting loved ones. They get out all the frustrations of dealing with relatives on the internet. I think we all know that.

My mom died Thursday. A few months ago the spouse's father died. Just before that one of her nephews ~ his great grandchild ~ babies died. A few weeks earlier the daughter in law's grandmother died. The spouse almost died with a 95% blockage in her major cardiac arteries. Then the daughter in laws father's house burned down. A first cousin died within the year. An uncle by marriage to one of my mother's 8 sisters died.

Definitely behind in my cards. And I was just going to check on some of their addresses. Near blindness does limit one's options.

But you know what. The daughter in law has a new baby on the way within days. Her sister h ad a baby in December. She has a third sister with a baby due in June. The granddaughter is 4 and is a regular spitfire, and fully literate and ready to discuss everything while running, jumping and yelling at the top of her voice.

It is a balance. A rough one to be sure.

Pray for America this year; vote wisely; the future is here whether we want it or not!
March 27 at 11:49 EST .

   9 people like this.

   StormCnter  God bless and comfort you, Bohallx. Sometimes sorrow arrives in waves, but He is our Rock. As you said, there are God's blessings in our lives to uplift us, too. I'll put you and your family in my prayers.
March 27 at 14:55 EST .

  2 people like this.

   Gerty  Mr. Bohallx... I sit here absolutely awed by the balanced attitude you have for the recent occurrences in your life! I find myself re-reading your comments and saying to myself, "I hope he handles this alright!" And, of course you are---but more than that you are sharing this with us and in doing so, show us that 'life happens'.

I can assure you that many on the Connection have you in their thoughts and prayers!
March 27 at 18:57 EST .

 1 person like this.

   Ussjimmycarter  Who's watching and keeping a list of all of the Republicans who are fighting against the will of the people to keep the Establishment in power. The Rats will scurry after the election. Hopefully we will have a list to refer to over the coming years. Frank Luntz, Bushes, Little Marco, etc, etc, etc!
March 26 at 11:29 EST .

   4 people like this.

   FlatCityGirl  You’re speaking of the likes of the NRO and the bevy of pundits there who do have a vested interest in hanging onto their power, as well as other “R”s –presently elected, previously elected, and never elected, who are also hanging on to power.

Thank goodness that you didn’t make the same mindless mistake that most people are making during this Silly Season: Like My Guy, My Chosen Candidate, or you are a Establishment Republican, a traitor to the country.

It seems that a lot of people are overlooking the difference between a Republican and a Conservative. They see “R” and think “C.” That’s why RINO is not a good indicator of a person’s political bent. RINOs are of course Republican, through and through, not just in name only; What they are not is Conservative. A better acronym for those types would be CINO.

A person --I'm an example, can dislike Trump while at the same time want to see the GOPe brought to ruin. I’m just one of millions of Conservatives who has been yelling from the rooftops for years that the GOPe is arrogant, entrenched and hidebound, and does not have the best interest of the Nation or Her People at heart; the vast majority of elected Republicans care only about their own power.

At the same time, I don’t like Trump.

March 26 at 14:15 EST .

  3 people like this.

   FlatCityGirl  I tried to remain neutral and said from the start that I would vote for him if he is the nominee.

Some people can only go as far back with Trump as his “reality” television program.

I can go all the way back to his days of being a philandering cad, the days of the first wife and the Hollywood Wannabe Trollop that the threw the first wife away for. He traded Filet Mignon for Hamburger.

That was a disgrace that played out in headlines for months on end.

But that’s not why I dislike Trump. Any man can make a mistake, pay for it and straighten his life out and become a faithful husband.

I don’t like Trump because apparently he has never grown up. The antics that he’s put on public display since he stared the campaign have turned him off to me completely. The juvenile tweets. The idiotic hair. The screwed up, red angry face, finger stabbing the air as he denounces anyone who has anything but praise for him. The threats of lawsuits in order to silence his critics. The flip-flops he’s make on “policy,” or what he thinks is policy. He’s got an ego that you could hang your wet wash on.

I just don’t like him.
March 26 at 14:16 EST .

  5 people like this.

   Bmoc  I saw my normal cardiologist this morning and he gave me the final thumbs up on my surgery. I'm a walking miracle. THANK YOU to all of you who sent up prayers and well wishes. Today, I officially begin the next chapter of my new life. Prior to my January 22nd visit to a cardiac specialist, I had resigned myself to dying. Four days after that visit, I had a nine hour cardiac surgery that has saved my life. From here on out, my life is all a gift.
March 25 at 21:37 EST .

   4 people like this.

   BirdsNest  That is great news. You must be so very happy. Always keep a positive attitude.
March 25 at 23:52 EST .

  3 people like this.

   HopeandGlory  I hope you have a long and happy life Verwayne . . . God be with you and yours.
March 26 at 14:24 EST .

  2 people like this.

   Bmoc  Thank you! I appreciate everything from here on out, be it a rainy day or one filled with sunshine. Short of a democrat win in November, nothing can ruin my day.
March 26 at 16:22 EST .

 1 person like this.

   Jj1319  Skip ahead to 12:38 for a discussion on racism. Refer to the attached chart. Language alert.

   March 24 at 18:15 EST .

   2 people like this.

   Safetydude  ADMIN:
How about moving these posts to the "Politics" wall, please ?????
The "Main Page" should be for breaking news and current events, not political statements.
   March 24 at 09:42 EST .

   2 people like this.

   Gerty  Hi there, Mr. 'dude! I think most of us are posting on the main page because it appears it is the one place everyone sees. Besides...politics is what's happening.
March 24 at 10:22 EST .

  2 people like this.

   FlatCityGirl  I believe most people would consider this presidential race a Current Event. And there is Breaking News about the race about every fifteen minutes.
March 26 at 01:21 EST .

 1 person like this.

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