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   Safetydude posted on Jokes  Just thought I'd swing by on my way to the grill...

Ok, so this guy is sitting on a bench in the park eating his lunch when a woman and her little dog comes by.

The dog stops and begins to jump on the guy, trying to reach the food.
So the guy turns to the woman and asks if it would be ok "to throw the dog a bit"?

"That would be very nice of you", she answers.

So the guy picks up the dog and throws it over a hedge.
April 14 at 18:37 EST .

   2 people like this.

   Wrightwinger  Puppy sitting this week... Tempting that!
April 15 at 10:21 EST .

   Safetydude  Ok, so this skeleton takes a seat at the bar'

"What'll you have" asks the bartender.

The skeleton thinks for a minute, "I'll have a beer and a mop".
April 16 at 11:03 EST .

 1 person like this.

   Safetydude posted on Jokes  Ok, so these two guys are standing at ajacent urinals doing their business and as one guy finishes and starts to leave the other guy turns and asks "Hey, aren't you going to wash your hands? In the Marines they taught us to always wash our hands after going to the bathroom".

"So, in the Air Force they taught us not to pi** on our fingers".
April 1 at 18:52 EST .

   3 people like this.

   Ole buzzard  Ah! Memories from basic training!
April 1 at 19:22 EST .

 1 person like this.

   Eagles Dominion  LOL... My daughter-in-law is currently in BCT at Fort Jackson, SC and then on to AIT at Fort Lee, Virginia. I'll have to email this and ask her for a comment! ;- ) I can just hear her( she's rather outspoken to say the least ).
April 5 at 21:42 EST .

  3 people like this.

   Safetydude  When you do ED, give her our thanks for joining the military.

Fort Lee, Combat Support. Great training for a post-military career.

(And I did say 'Marines', not 'Army' ).
April 6 at 21:38 EST .

  3 people like this.

   Safetydude  Ok, so this homeowner is talking to the guy in Home Depot...
'Is this insecticide good for beetles?'
'No, It kills 'em'.
April 6 at 22:02 EST .

  4 people like this.

   Safetydude posted on Music  In Honor of Vietnam Veterans Day.
March 30 at 00:33 EST .

   1 person like this.

   Escaped commieny  tissue time
March 30 at 18:50 EST .

  4 people like this.

   Safetydude posted on Movies & Reviews  Welcome on, R-K.
Hope everything went well with you and Mr.Sam's people.

By the way, if that(those )was a gin Martini, try a slice, or two, of fresh, peeled cucumber as a change from olives. A cucumber slice is also great as a garnish in plain Gin and Tonic.

Ok, now on to the business at hand.
March 28 at 20:27 EST .

   3 people like this.

   Rake King  I will try that as I am big on cucumbers, but also are big on olives...multiple.

Re the audit, they choose to leave and send a written report. I feel good about result.
March 28 at 20:58 EST .

  2 people like this.

   Phooey  Congrats, RK.
A twist of lemon peel in mine, thank you.
March 28 at 22:34 EST .

  2 people like this.

   Rake King  The Martini Association has many branches/
March 29 at 07:32 EST .

  2 people like this.

   Rake King  The Martini Federation has many branches/
March 29 at 07:37 EST .

  2 people like this.

   Safetydude posted on Jokes  Ok, so this senior couple is sitting on their porch reminiscing and she turns to him and out of the blue asks; "if I die first will you re-marry right away"?
He : "Of course not"
She: "Well, If you do, will you sell the house"?
He : "Of course not"?
She: "Would you sell our bed?"
He : "Of course not"?
She: "Would you let her wear my clothes"?
He : "Of course not"?
She: "Would you let her use my golf clubs"?
He : "She's left handed".

(He never heard the shot )
March 24 at 18:18 EST .

   7 people like this.

   Ole buzzard  Stolen for Facebook!
March 24 at 19:12 EST .

  3 people like this.

   Safetydude posted on Music

Learn to love it. Thank's Obama.
March 24 at 17:52 EST .

   5 people like this.

   Safetydude posted on Music  My favorite Scots-Australian musician. Actually, the only one I know of.
March 22 at 17:47 EST .

   5 people like this.

   Safetydude posted on Main Page The Lobby  Probably doesn't belong on the Main Page, but with all the theories out there I thought I'd throw my nickle on the grass.

My guess is that flight 370 was hijacked by the CIA, with the help of the USAF, as directed by Obama to keep his trouble with Putin off the nightly news and the front page of American newspapers.

It landed safely and each passenger was given one million dollars,US, and made to sign a non-disclosure document and then flown on to their destinations.

Since my South China Sea Tetrahedron theory didn't fly, what's to say that this isn't what happned?
March 19 at 16:25 EST .

   10 people like this.

   Safetydude  I think the Doctor will only allow the TARDIS to used for good purposes. I'm not sure that he would allow almost 300 people and a 777 to be spirited away for some nefarious purpose.

I'm going to stick with my Obama theory.
March 19 at 19:25 EST .

  5 people like this.

   Safetydude  Hikergal,

I just had a second thought about your TARDIS comment; Zaphod Beeblebrox.
Unlike the Doctor Zaphod is a bad actor and he's always looking for more servants and three hundred people...think about it.
March 19 at 21:14 EST .

  2 people like this.

   Seminolesecure  This Middle School Administration could not pull it off.
March 20 at 09:28 EST .

  4 people like this.

   Safetydude  Ok, so now the ChiComs are saying that the USN hijacked flight 370 and forced it to recover on our base in Diego Garcia. They say that there was a passenger and some cargo onboard that the US wanted.

Even Jerry Rivera said it, so it must be so.

I guessed the CIA was behind it but I will admit that the ChiComs have better intel sources and the USN has the assets to put a snatch on an airplane like this.

How do we know that the Philadelphia Experiment isn't real?
March 21 at 19:03 EST .

  3 people like this.

   Carmen  With all the crazy hype, nobody will really believe it crashed into the Indian ocean. It is a news filler and will go on and on and on --------
March 25 at 10:20 EST .

  3 people like this.

   Safetydude posted on Dogs, Cats & Critters  Think about animals in the wild and our pets...

"I never saw a wild thing sorry for itself,
A small bird will drop frozen dead from a bough
without ever having felt sorry
for itself".

D.H. Lawrence.
March 17 at 22:08 EST .

   10 people like this.

   Gerty  I don't have a problem asking questions. It has been a good percentage of how I have learned things lo these many years.

So, you will have no doubt of my seriousness when I ask anyone who can, please explain what you think D.H. Lawrence meant by these lines.
March 20 at 15:39 EST .

  4 people like this.

   Balogreene  Gerty, since we've been working with a very sick Shih tzu since Safetydude posted this, I'll tell you about her. She's five, and one day started sneezing and shivering, and got very quiet. We took her to the vet, and were told she had a cold like illness. That night, she got worse. At first the vet thought she'd been poisoned, then decided she was having an auto-immune reaction, probably to her new seizure medicine. She's had lesions in her mouth and nose, under her "arms", and on the pads of her feet.

She's never complained, never cried, just accepted her lot and gone on with her life. She never felt sorry for herself.

And by the way, it'll take a while, but, she'll be fine.
March 20 at 22:23 EST .

  5 people like this.

   Safetydude posted on Nostalgia  Don't know if this is nostalgia or if it should be on the Jokes Wall. Bear with me...

March 14 at 22:40 EST .

   10 people like this.

   Rake King  When I told my grand children that as a boy we sat around evenings listening to the radio, and sent in cereal box tops for secret decoder rings and such....they looked at me like I was teasing. "Grandpa, why didn't you have a T.V." "There weren't any yet, I said". You got back a look of awe.

The above might be an old "Atwater-Kent" radio, with tubes as big as a roll of paper towels. placed in a position of importance and pride. If it was placed on an outside wall, you hooked up a wire and poked it outside under the window for better reception.

Today you can hold that same instrument in the palm of your hand. Amazing is all I can say.
March 16 at 07:52 EST .

  6 people like this.

   Safetydude  Well RK,

You and I are becoming relics, just like the Atwater-Kent, Philco or Silvertone radios that we grew up with.

Just for a comparison, between your car(I don't know what you drive )and cell phone you have more 'computing power'(whatever that means )in your hands than what controlled the first 'nuclear ship' the NS Savannah.

Rememer when your radio didn't work right you pulled the tubes out of the back and went to the drug store where they had a tube tester? You found the bad tube and bought a replacement, went home, plugged it in and 'bingo' you were back in business.

We did the same thing with car radios, pulled it out of the dash and took it to the 'repair shop' and it was made good.

Today if the radio in my Jeep stopped working properly I'd pull it out, throw it away and get a new one.

Anyway, I'm glad to see you back on the Connection.
Hope you're felling well.
March 16 at 21:02 EST .

  9 people like this.

   Rake King  You have described exactly what was a norm on radios, and other things we "Fixed".
March 17 at 05:01 EST .

  8 people like this.

   Gerty  That picture of the radio---my Grandmother had one like that in the living room. You pressed buttons to reach a station. Here's the amazing thing, one of the buttons said "TV"!

We used to keep pressing it and never knew what it was!
March 18 at 18:41 EST .

  2 people like this.

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