Ynaught posted on Coffee Klatch Three years ago today (it doesn’t seem like it could have been that long ago! ) my nephew was hit by a car while waiting for the school bus. He suffered multiple broken bones and brain injury and spent many months in the hospital. He is now able to attend school, rather than be tutored at home, but he ends up in the nurse’s office often as he tires very easily. He suffers seizures on occasion and his recently his speech became slurred. Neurological tests are going to be done to find out why this is happening. He is hoping to attend college next year as his younger sister will be graduating high school and going off and he wants to keep up with her. The fine folks at the Connection prayed for my nephew three years ago and I know that helped him survive his injuries. I wish to ask for some more prayers for him that he continues to improve and be able to fulfill his dreams of becoming an engineer. Thank you.
HopeandGlory Prayers going up Miss Y . . . God be with you all.
November 7 at 17:35 EST .
10 people like this.
Ynaught posted on Jokes On the top of a tall building in a large city, there was a bar. In this bar, a man was drinking heavily. He would ask the bartender for a tequila shot, then walk out to the balcony and jump off. Minutes later, he would appear in the elevator and repeat the entire process. This one guy watched this happen a number of times until curiosity got the better of him. Finally, he went up to the man and asked, "Hey, you keep drinking, then jumping off the balcony, and yet, minutes later, you're back again. How do you do it?" Well, the shot of tequila provides buoyancy such that when I get near the ground, I slow down and land gently. It's lots of fun. You should try it." The guy, who was also quite drunk out of his gourd, thought to himself, "Hey, why not?" So he goes to the bar, drinks a shot of tequila, then walks out to the balcony, jumps off, and whooooooooooooo, SPLAT! The bartender shakes his head, looks over at the first guy and says, "Superman, you're an a$$h0le when you're drunk."
October 31 at 09:54 EST .
18 people like this.
Ynaught posted on Jokes After selling his car and making a good profit, Steve is shopping for a new motorcycle. He finally finds one for a great price. The motorcycle is missing a seal, though, so whenever it rains Steve has to smear Vaseline over the spot where the seal should be.
Steve's girlfriend is having him over for dinner to meet her parents one evening. He drives his new motorcycle to his girlfriend's house.
She is waiting outside for him when he arrives. "No matter what happens at dinner tonight, don't say a word. Our family had a fight a while ago about doing the dinner dishes. We haven't done any since... and the first person to speak at dinner has to do them."
Steve sits down for dinner and soon notices that his girlfriend wasn't exaggerating. It is just how she described it. Dishes are piled up to the ceiling in the kitchen and nobody is saying a word. Steve decides to have a little fun. He grabs his girlfriend, throws her onto the table and has sex with her in front of her parents. His girlfriend is a little flustered, her father is obviously livid, and her mother is horrified. Yet, when Steve and his girlfriend resume their places at the dinner table, nobody says a word.
A few minutes later, Steve grabs his girlfriend's mom, throws her onto the table and does a repeat performance. Now his girlfriend is furious, her father is boiling, and her mother is a little more pleased. But still, there is complete silence at the table.
Suddenly, there is a loud clap of thunder and it starts to rain. Steve remembers his motorcycle outside and so he jumps up and grabs his jar of Vaseline.
With a look of terror in his eyes, the girlfriend's father backs away from the table and exclaims, "Okay, enough already, I'll do the damn dishes!"
A wealthy man decided to go on a safari in Africa. He took his faithful pet dog along for company. One day the dog starts chasing butterflies and before long he discovers that he is lost. So, wandering about he notices a leopard heading rapidly in his direction with the obvious intention of having lunch. The dog thinks, "Boy, I'm in deep doo doo now." Then he noticed some bones on the ground close by, and immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the leopard is about to leap, the dog exclaims loudly, "Man, that was one delicious leopard. I wonder if there are any more around here?"
Hearing this the leopard halts his attack in mid stride, as a look of terror comes over him, and slinks away into the trees. "Whew", says the leopard. "That was close. That dog nearly had me."
Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard. So, off he goes. But the dog saw him heading after the leopard with great speed, and figured that something must be up.
The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard. The cat is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here monkey, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine."
Now the dog sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back, and thinks," What am I going to do now?" But instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers pretending he hasn't seen them yet. And just when they get close enough to hear, the dog says, "Where's that monkey. I just can never trust him. I sent him off half an hour ago to bring me another leopard, and he's still not back!!"
October 29 at 07:14 EST .
14 people like this.
Gerty Me thinks there is a moral in this story--I like it.
The present Ebola crisis in the world is frightening. I have submitted the following letter to the editor of the Lewiston Morning Tribune:
Editor, Lewiston Morning Tribune:
If I wish to import a horse into the United States from Liberia or any African country other than Morocco , the horse needs to undergo a 60 day quarantine period at a USDA approved quarantine facility prior to mingling with the general population of horses in this country. Africa has a disease called African Horse Sickness that does not exist in the US ; this is the way we have kept it out of this country. African Horse Sickness does not cause disease in people, only horses; our government has determined that it would be devastating to the US horse industry if it were to come here.
The United States (and virtually all other countries ) require a myriad of tests and often quarantine prior to bringing in a foreign animal.
I can’t legally cross state lines in the United States with a horse or cow without a health certificate signed by a USDA accredited veterinarian stating that the animal has been inspected and found free of infectious disease. In most cases blood tests are also required. In fact I can’t legally cross the Snake River and ride my horse in Idaho without a health certificate and a negative blood test for Equine Infectious Anemia.
I’m not complaining; the United States of America , the States of Idaho and Washington as well as the other 48 states take the health of our livestock very seriously, and we have a very good record at keeping foreign animal diseases out of our country. I am happy to do my part to maintain biosecurity in our animal population.
If I am a resident of Liberia incubating Ebola, to enter the United States all I need to do is present a valid visa, and lie when asked if I have been exposed to Ebola. Within hours (no quarantine required ) I can be walking the streets of any city in the United States .
I feel very fortunate to live in a country that values our animals so highly.
David A. Rustebakke, DVM
October 29 at 07:08 EST .
4 people like this.
Sanddollar I am not worried about Ebola. I even travel to West Africa but not ones with Ebola cases. I am more worried about the flu which kills many thousands in this country. A flu shot offers partial protection. Don't allow the news media to scare you. CNN covers this too much and Fox less but they also hype this. Remember they need people viewers.
Just try this. It is from an orthopedic surgeon............
This will boggle your mind and you will keep trying over and over again to see if you can outsmart your foot, but you can't. It's preprogrammed in your brain.
1. WITHOUT anyone watching you (they will think you are GOOFY...... ) and while sitting where you are at your desk in front of your computer, lift your right foot off the floor and make clockwise circles.
2. Now, while doing this, draw the number "6" in the air with you right hand. Your foot will change direction.
I told you so.
And there's nothing you can do about it.
You and I both know how stupid it is, but before the day is done you are going to try it again, if you've not already done so.
October 28 at 20:16 EST .
12 people like this.
Gram77 I tried a bunch of times........yep....it changes directions.
October 29 at 13:09 EST .
8 people like this.
MeiDei Would you believe that I sent this to the one person, out of suspected thousands, who draws a 6 from inside the circle up - so she thought this was a fraud : )
Years ago there was a baker's assistant whose sole job was to pour the dough mixture for making sausage rolls (apparently the royal family loved sausage ). Because people were identified by their professions, he was just called Richard the Pourer.
One day Richard ran out of some key ingredients, namely a secret spice he used in the batter. He called his apprentice and sent him to the store to buy more spices.
When the apprentice arrived at the store, he found that he had forgotten the name of the ingredient. Hoping that the storekeeper might be able to figure it out, he described it to him . . . it's for Richard the Pourer for batter for wurst.