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Jokes



   MeiDei  Brazilian supermarket prank
https://www.youtube-nocookie.com/embed/k1bG2EPGmI0?autoplay=
1&vq=hd720&rel=0&showinfo=0&start=82&end=321
6 hours ago .

   4 people like this.




   Hagar  I just want to thank all of you for the posts on the Joke page!!
You guys have brought a welcome smile to my face.
12 hours ago .

   6 people like this.



   MeiDei  Laughter is the best medicine, served up with a good dose of faith - hope every day is a better day than the one before.
6 hours ago .

  3 people like this.





   Bettijo  A man and a woman were having a quiet, romantic dinner in a fine restaurant. They were gazing lovingly at each other and holding hands.
The waitress, taking another order at a table a few steps away, suddenly noticed the woman slowly sliding down her chair and under the table but the man
stared straight ahead. The waitress watched as the woman slid all the way down her chair and out of sight under the table. Still, the man stared straight ahead.
The waitress, thinking this behaviour a bit risqué, and worried that it might offend other diners, went over to the table and, tactfully, began by saying to the man,
"Pardon me, sir, but I think your wife just slid under the table."

The man calmly looked up at her and said, "No, she didn't. She just walked in."
December 15 at 08:18 EST .

   15 people like this.




   Bettijo  In Case You Missed It Dept.:

Charles Barkley defended cops after the Ferguson rioting, saying black neighborhoods would be the Wild West without them. The protests angered many. At a high school football game in Texas Friday, every time the ref signaled touchdown, the crowd booed him for making an anti-police gesture.

President Obama decided to name Pentagon career official Ashton Carter as Defense Secretary and met with him Friday. He is a theoretical physicist. The president wants to know how he can theoretically put a hundred thousand troops back in Iraq without letting their boots touch the ground.

U.S. News and World Report reported that United States national debt reached eighteen trillion dollars Friday. However, none of the three major broadcast TV networks mentioned the milestone in their evening newscasts. The United States hasn't been attacked by this many zeros since Pearl Harbor.

The White House refused to deny reports Friday that President Obama is going to slap sanctions on Israel over settlements on the West Bank. His combativeness toward Israel is reflexive. Obama never got over his boyhood horror in Indonesia when he learned that the Jews killed six million Nazis.

Hillary Clinton gave a foreign policy address Thursday and recommended the U.S. deploy smart power around the world and learn to empathize with our enemies. She lectured the Palestinians and Israelis how to live together side-by-side even though they hate each other. No one's better qualified.

President Obama commented on BET about the angry black protests Sunday by saying America is rooted in racism. The media just loves to fuel the fire. George Zimmerman's wife divorced him last year saying that he has become two different people, a Hispanic at home and a white guy on the news.

George W. Bush stood by the CIA Sunday when CBS News asked him about the Senate revealing U.S. torture against terrorists when he was president. It's gotten worse since. President Obama just sent six terrorists from Guantanamo to Uruguay, giving old German Nazis a chance to rehabilitate them.

President Obama asked Congress for and obtained a ninety-day extension Monday for the NSA to monitor phone calls in the U.S. for terrorist activity. The NSA Director assured Congress that the NSA does not use the information on political opponents. That's the IRS's job and they're a different union.

Prince William arrived at the White House Monday to discuss with President Obama ways to halt the illegal trade in wildlife in Africa. The timing had to be just right. In order to get any help, William had to give President Obama time to cool off after he got trampled by elephants a month ago.

Prince William flew from New York to Washington D.C. Monday for a visit with President Obama at the White House about his wildlife foundation. The two chatted in the Oval Office for two hours. It was a meeting between a symbolic ruler with no real power anymore
December 15 at 08:14 EST .

   14 people like this.




   Ole buzzard  I just received an audit on my tax return for 2013 back from the IRS.
It puzzles me! They are questioning how many dependents I claimed.

I guess it was because of my response to the question: "List all dependents?"

I replied: 12 million illegal immigrants; 3 million crack heads; 42 million unemployed people on food stamps; 2 million people in over 243 prisons; Half of Mexico ; 535 persons in the U.S. House and Senate; and one useless President.

Evidently, this was NOT an acceptable answer.

I KEEP ASKING MYSELF, WHO DID I MISS?

   December 11 at 13:00 EST .

   16 people like this.



   Phooey  Yotty. ; )
December 11 at 18:52 EST .

  9 people like this.





   Bettijo  The Barber

A guy stuck his head into a barbershop and asked, 'How long before I can get a haircut?

The barber looked around the shop full of customers of and said, 'About 2 hours.'

The guy left


A few days later, the same guy stuck his head in the door and asked, 'How long before I can get A haircut?'

The barber looked around at the shop and said, 'About 3 hours.'

The guy left.


A week later, the same guy stuck his head in the shop and asked, 'How long before I can get a haircut?'

The barber looked around the shop and said, 'About an hour and a half' .

The guy left.


The barber turned to his friend and said, 'Hey, Bob, do me a favor, follow that guy and see where he goes’.

‘He keeps asking how long he has to wait for a haircut, but he never comes back'

A little while later, Bob returned to the shop,laughing hysterically.


The barber asked, 'So, where does he go when he leaves?'


Bob looked up, wiped the tears from his eyes and said ....


'Your house'
December 9 at 18:04 EST .

   14 people like this.




   Ynaught  An attorney arrived home late, after a very tough day trying to get a stay of execution. His last minute plea for clemency to the governor had failed and he was feeling worn out and depressed.

As soon as he walked through the door at home, his wife started on him about, 'What time of night to be getting home is this? Where have you been? Dinner is cold and I'm not reheating it.' And on and on and on.

Too shattered to play his usual role in this familiar ritual, he poured himself a shot of whiskey and headed off for a long hot soak in the bathtub, pursued by the predictable sarcastic remarks as he dragged himself up the stairs.

While he was in the bath, the phone rang. The wife answered and was told that her husband's client, James Wright, had been granted a stay of execution after all. Wright would not be hanged tonight.

Finally realizing what a terrible day he must have had, she decided to go upstairs and give him the good news.

As she opened the bathroom door, she was greeted by the sight of her husband, bent over naked, drying his legs and feet.

'They're not hanging Wright tonight,' she said.

He whirled around and screamed, 'FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WOMAN, DON'T YOU EVER STOP COMPLAINING?!'
December 8 at 15:42 EST .

   15 people like this.




   MeiDei  Acorn cap with the nut still attached.
   December 6 at 14:31 EST .

   15 people like this.



   Iacta alea est  My screen & keyboard are now awash with Gatorade. :- )
December 7 at 00:52 EST .

  7 people like this.





   Ole buzzard  Irritated when people come down on our police officers, saying that they don't care about or respect others?

Well, here is a story that clearly shows not all cops are in that category. This story involves the police department in the small hill country town of Kerrville, Texas, who reported finding a man's body last Saturday in the early evening in the Pedernales River near the state highway-87 bridge. The dead man's name would not be released until his family had been notified. The victim apparently drowned due to excessive beer consumption while visiting "someone" in Fredericksburg. He was wearing black fishnet stockings, 6 inch spiked heels, a red garter belt, a pink G-string, purple lipstick, dazzle dust on his eyelids, 2 1/2 inch false eyelashes and an Obama T-shirt. The police removed the Obama T-shirt to spare his family any unnecessary embarrassment.

So there, Texas police do care.

God Bless Texas
November 30 at 18:57 EST .

   21 people like this.



   MeiDei  Had to share this one!
December 1 at 15:10 EST .

  14 people like this.





   Ole buzzard  .
   November 26 at 13:15 EST .

   16 people like this.


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