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RedWhiteBlue GOLDEN OLDIES FROM JAY:|
"I was going to start off tonight with an Obama joke, but I don't want to get audited by the IRS."
On NSA surveillance: "We wanted a president who listens to all Americans - now we have one."
On a new IRS commissioner: "He's called 'acting commissioner' because he has to act like the scandal doesn't involve the White House."
On closing the Guantanamo prison for terrorists: "If he really wants to close it, turn it into a government-funded solar power company. The doors will be shut in a month."
Concerning the Benghazi, Associated Press, and IRS scandals: "Remember in the old days when President Obama's biggest embarrassment was Joe Biden?"
On Obama saying he didn't know about the IRS scandal: "He was too busy not knowing anything about Benghazi to not know anything about the IRS."
"The White House has a new slogan about Benghazi : Hope and change the subject."
"It's casual Friday, which means that at the White House, they're casually going through everybody's phone calls and records."
"It is not looking good for President Obama. Today his TelePrompTer took the fifth."
"Fox News has changed its slogan from 'Fair and Balanced' to 'See, I told you so!'"
On Obama's commencement address: "He told the young graduates their future is bright unless, of course, they want jobs."
On a Chicago man who set a record for riding a Ferris wheel: "The only other way to go around and around in a circle that many times is to read the official report on Benghazi."
On White House claims of ignorance on the scandals: "They took 'Don't Ask, Don't Tell' out of the Pentagon and moved it into the White House."
Now the last and I think best.....
"These White House scandals are not going away anytime soon. It's gotten so bad that people in Kenya are now saying he's 100 percent American."
November 6 at 00:07 EST .
12 people like this.
RedWhiteBlue "Be more concerned with your character than your reputation,|
because your character is what you really are,
while your reputation is merely what others think you are."
--- John Wooden
Today's preparation is tomorrow's performance -- Bobby Clampett
I agree with the late Adrian Rogers who said,
"It is better to be divided by truth than to be united in error.
It is better to stand alone with the truth, than to be wrong with a multitude."
"There can be no divided allegiance here.
Any man who says that he is an American, but something else also, is not an American at all."
Life is Short . . . Pray Hard.
November 5 at 23:55 EST .
12 people like this.
RedWhiteBlue Conundrum Worth Repeating|
Free people are not equal. Equal people are not free. (Think this one over and over…makes sense! )
"A gun is like a parachute. If you need one, and don't have one, you'll probably never need one again."
The definition of the word Conundrum is: something that is puzzling or confusing.
Here are six Conundrums of socialism in the United States of America:
1. America is capitalist and greedy - yet half of the population is subsidized.
2. Half of the population is subsidized - yet they think they are victims.
3. They think they are victims - yet their representatives run the government.
4. Their representatives run the government - yet the poor keep getting poorer.
5. The poor keep getting poorer - yet they have things that people in other countries only dream about.
6. They have things that people in other countries only dream about - yet they want America to be more like those other countries.
Think about it! And that, my friends, pretty much sums up the USA in the 21st Century. Makes you wonder who is doing the math.
These three, short sentences tell you a lot about the direction of our current government and cultural environment:
1. We are advised to NOT judge ALL Muslims by the actions of a few lunatics, but we are encouraged to judge ALL gun owners by the actions of a few lunatics.
Funny how that works. And here's another one worth considering…
2. Seems we constantly hear about how Social Security is going to run out of money. But we never hear about welfare or food stamps running out of money! What's interesting is the first group "worked for"their money, but the second didn't.
Think about it.....and Last but not least :
3. Why are we cutting benefits for our veterans, no pay raises for our military and cutting our army to a level lower than before WWII, but we are not stopping the payments or benefits to illegal aliens.
Am I the only one missing something?
"If you do not take an interest in the affairs of your government, then you are doomed to live under the rule of fools." – Plato
November 5 at 23:54 EST .
13 people like this.
MeiDei All excellent posts RW&B!
November 6 at 10:20 EST .
1 person like this.
RedWhiteBlue When told the reason for daylight savings time the old Indian said, “Only the government would believe that you could cut one foot off the top of a blanket and sew it to the bottom of the same blanket and you would have a longer blanket.”|
--unknown old Indian-- J
November 5 at 23:52 EST .
14 people like this.
RedWhiteBlue Canadian Healthcare .... |
Who said that the health care in Canada was not up to par?
A Muslim immigrant in Toronto goes to the doctor and says "I feel terrible."
The doctor examines him and then says: "You need to pee and put your bowel movements in a bucket for a week, then throw in a dead fish and
some rotten cabbage. Put a towel over your head and inhale the vapors for three days."
The Muslim does this and goes back to the doctor 3 days later and says "I feel wonderful! What was wrong with me ?"
The doctor replied ......................
"You were Homesick.
October 30 at 13:06 EST .
15 people like this.
MeiDei I don't know if this has been posted before ---|
RETIREE'S LAST TRIP TO PUBLIX
Yesterday I was in The Villages (an area north of Orlando, full of retirees ), at Publix (a large food chain in Florida ) buying a bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Owen, the Wonder Dog.
I was in the check-out line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog. What did she think, I had an elephant?
So, because I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse, I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the ‘Purina Diet’ again.
I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a “perfect diet” and that the way that it works is, to load pants pockets with Purina Nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry.
The food is nutritionally complete, (FDA certified ), so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story. )
Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me?
I told her no, I had stopped to pee on a fire hydrant and a car hit me. I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.
Publix won't let me shop there anymore!
Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the world to think of crazy things to say.
October 12 at 18:46 EST .
14 people like this.
FlatCityGirl I'm laughing so hard I can't breathe!
October 14 at 12:29 EST .
4 people like this.
RedWhiteBlue I posted this on Lucianne also....|
Joke of the day, sort of.
Today I swung my front door wide open and placed my Remington 30.06 on the deck rail.
I left six cartridges beside it, then left it alone and went about my business.
While I was gone, the mailman delivered my mail, my neighbor across the street mowed the yard, a girl walked her dog down the street, and quite a few cars stopped at the stop sign near the front of my house.
After about an hour, I checked on the gun. It was still sitting there, right where I had left it.
It hadn't moved itself off the deck rail.
It hadn't killed anyone, even with the numerous opportunities it had presented to do so.
In fact, it hadn't even loaded itself.
You can imagine my surprise, with all the hype by the Left and the Media about how dangerous guns are and how they kill people.
Either the media is wrong or I'm in possession of the laziest gun in the world.
The United States is third in murders throughout the World.
But if you take out just four cities: Chicago , Detroit , Washington DC and New Orleans, the United States is fourth from the bottom, in the entire world, for murders.
These four Cities also have the toughest Gun Control Laws in the U.S.
All four of these cities are CONTROLLED BY DEMOCRATS.
It would be absurd to draw any conclusions from this data - correct?
Well, I'm off to check on my spoons. I hear they're making people fat .
October 2 at 02:13 EST .
17 people like this.
MeiDei Love it!!!
October 2 at 08:52 EST .
7 people like this.
FlatCityGirl I don't know if this belongs in "jokes," but it's a true story, and funny.|
When my son got divorced, he was given custody of his boys; they were living in a tiny little rural town in Oklahoma, and things were very bad for them. When I found out just how bad things were, I told Son to pack up the boys and come here to Texas for a new start. It was just before Thanksgiving. The boys were ages six and two. They are now 18 and 14.
The oldest grandson’s first day of school here in the big city was no doubt a minor trauma for him. The size of the school that he had attended in Oklahoma compared to the size of the school that he was coming to here was enough to scare him half to death, not to mention the hundreds of children - grades K through 5. Dad spent the Monday after Thanksgiving jumping through hoops to get the boy enrolled in school, and on Tuesday left him at the schoolhouse door to go it alone.
Dad was on hand when school was dismissed that afternoon.
On the way to the car, son and grandson were walking a ways behind a police officer in uniform who was holding the hands of a little girl and a little boy. The officer walked the boy and girl to a police cruiser, put them in the back seat and fastened their seatbelts.
Grandson stopped in the middle of the sidewalk and with eyes as big as saucers, asked, “Dad, what did those kids do”?
The officer never missed a beat. He looked back at grandson and said, “They didn’t do their homework.”
September 27 at 13:50 EST .
16 people like this.
MeiDei You should submit this to Reader's Digest for their "Life in the U.S" column. 2nd thought: Is Reader's Digest still publishing?
September 30 at 13:16 EST .
8 people like this.
WAN2 Re: The Pope and the Pantsuit.|
HILLARY SHOULD CALL HERSELF "THE OTHER LEADER WHO GAVE UP HAVING SEX FOR POWER" Bill Maher
September 26 at 09:14 EST .
14 people like this.
Bettijo At St. Peter's Catholic Church in Adelaide, they have weekly husbands' marriage seminars.|
At the session last week, the priest asked Giuseppe, who said he was approaching his 50th wedding anniversary, to take a few minutes and share some insight into how he had managed to stay married to the same woman all these years.
Giuseppe replied to the assembled husbands, 'Wella, I'va tried to treat her nicea, spenda da money on her, but besta of all is, I tooka her to Italy for the 25th anniversary!'
The priest responded, 'Giuseppe, you are an amazing inspiration to all the husbands here!
Please tell us what you are planning for your wife or your 50th anniversary?'
Giuseppe proudly replied, " I gonna go pick her up."
September 19 at 07:19 EST .
17 people like this.